Gabrielle's Journal

Hi! I am a lapsed member of this site. I received a mitral valve repair a few years ago and I have not really picked up suffering with depression and fatigue. Yesterday I received the news that the valve is leaking again moderate to severe and will require surgery again. I feel deflated but vindicated as I knew there must be a reason for my fatigue. Anyway I am still in shock. This site was my lifeline when I was recovering from my first surgery and I am just kinda snoopin around to see if any of my support friends are still here and how are you all going? Gabi x

Yeah thanks for sharing a laugh with me! I reckon I have learnt my lesson..........until next time. shh I didn't say that. Anyway, anyway if I put a smile on your dials it was worth it - sort of but not really. I mean take away the pain and embarrassment, and just leave the $10 class fee for sure it was worth it!

OK it is 1 year on since my OHS and I need to just settle down and accept what is and not try to change things that aint and get on with it. e.g. I was feeling pretty good with myself and thought I would tackle a Zumba Gold class. Do you think I moved with restraint and decorum? Not on your Nelly, I was seduced with the music and the energy in the room and I totally was showing off. Talk about my ego? I mean what is a girl to do when 'Im too sexy and I know it' comes on? My feet wanna dance right? Dance I did, and kept up with wimmin half my age and I doubt any of em dealing with AFIB! Nah I said to myself 'I can so do this Zumba caper' Well I did keep up but no one saw me the next day trying to get outa bed, with such a sore back and I have been incapacitated and indisposed eva since. It knocked the stuffing outa me and was a good lesson. All my own fault I take responsibility for my actions, and blah, blah, and more blah, saying all the right things BUT I am still pissed off!!!!!!!!

Hi everyone! I have noticed that some of you are still dealing with the INR tests and taking Warfrin to let the blood run free without clotting. My Cardio dude put me on Rivaroxaban - just one tab ea day and no need for testing to see if blood is in the therapeutic range. Here in Australia it is marketed as Xarelto and I take 20mg. It is such a relief not to have to front up for blood checks every cupla weeks. I am going in for day surgery on 7th May to have cystoscopy and D & C and I have been instructed to stop taking the Xarelto for 2 days prior to the procedure. I also take fish oil tabs and will halt these @ 7 days prior to procedure. I reckon if I can survive OHS I can cope with a mickey mouse 'procedure' (say in low voice with turned down mouth) I have been through the Zipper, the Zapper and now the Scraper! I am a tough old bird but I will be glad when this latest drama is done and dusted. As always my loving thoughts and prayers are with you all. And yeah as Adam would say "keep on tickin'"

I am really well and handling the rehab with no probs. I just have to smarten up and if I have a big day then the NEXT has to be a bit more gentle and restful! Had a great day on Saturday with my family, went to a show in Sydney as part of the Sydney Festival. So on Sunday still feeling gr8 went off shopping for outdoor furniture! I bought a garden seat so I can sit on the edge of the creek op my villa and watch the water dragons! Good idea - dumb move! I have been wiped out eva since. Duh! Getting tired is life. Getting going again is living so they tell me. Anyway, anyway it has been raining since Sunday, so sittin' n thunkin' I aint!

I am feeling very well thank you! Have been dealing with Cardiac Depression and taking happy pills to combat the low moods and low energy. I am happy to say that it is kicking in now. I started feeling a lot better of a morning and then would hit a slump in the arvo and evening. Now, (provided I don't overdo things or extended myself too much) I have the happiness all day. I finally started my rehab today. I am on a special program and will be monitored because I am in AF still. (and prob always will) I went on the bike for 5 minutes and it felt great. I have been unable to ride for over 12 months, but my aim is to ride the streets of Thirroul to the beach, swim, then ride home again. ITM I am after an attachment to render my bike motionless so I can improve my fitness in a safe and controlled environment. The migraines are a thing of the past I am so happy about that. I still get a bit of disturbed vision but I am able to push through it and no longer need the pain meds. I have had 3 or 4 'funny turns' where the floor or footpath seems to dance and I need to hang on to someone or something until it passes. It appears I have had an assault on my inner ear through a virus or it could be degenerative. (I have had alota lota birthdays!) I have been seeing a physio dude who specialises in balance probs and I do exercises to improve the condition. My life is good. I am happy and proud that I have survived OHS! I no longer have the dreaded fatigue I battled with before the surgery. Tomorrow I will travel to Sydney with my family to see a show. We are all looking forward to this, as I have been declining most invitations due to my lack of energy. And let it be said, I am sure that Rachel's steady improvement has a very positive effect on us all. My very best wishes to those on the other side of surgery and recovery. Thank you so much to Adam for this site and to all you lovely ones who have helped me to this stage. Bless you all!

So this is Christmas and what have you done another year over and a new one just begun And so this is Christmas I hope you have fun The near and the dear ones the old and the young. A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Lets hope its a good one without any fear............. These words sung by John Lennon seem so apt for all of us HVJ members. It is a time for reflection on the year just gone and wishing for a fresh start for the new one coming. So to my dear friends on this site, I am sending you all the blessings of Christmas, Love, Peace and Joy, but mostly the gift of Health. I am thinking of each and every one of you and have a feeling of gratitude that you are in my life. Many times I have come here - warts and all with my story and you generously responded with just the right note of empathy and encouragement. Lets all share a global hug! Rachel you are right in the middle with your devoted family. Soak it up! O

Yep! I am gunna work on my Attitude of Gratitude! Thanks for all your support but I am lifting the dress regulations of basic black! Anyway, anyway Orange is the new Black right? I have not seen the show. However, I think I will like my new uniform - I was clocked doing 72kph in a 60 zone! This is a first in my driving history of 50 years. $106 and loss of 1 demerit point! How reckless can I get I feel like a geriatric on steroids! The Fancy Lancey stuff. I was actually speeding to get to my meditation group. Which is pretty funny - like hurrying up to relax sort of thing. You know, I can live with AF somehow. It would have been so good to just slot into Sinus. I was planning what I would do but I can just modify stuff and still have a good life. I actually have a GREAT life, I love being me and I can just learn to accept what is. You really boosted me wearing the required black, I was picturing you passing one another on the street or at the Mall and just silently nodding to one another. The poor dudes who were wearing black as a personal choice would wonder what the heck though!!!! Keep learning, keep laughing and keep loving!

Hello again (in a very small voice) I had my zap and it did not work! I know they tried very very hard had three goes and the third time my heart went into Sinus Node but only lasted a few minutes. I am very sad! If I was in a better mood I would organise a Webinar party! You could all wear whatever you want as long as it is BLACK. I would deck the halls with black balloons, black candles and serve black food. I am thinking black pudding, black olives and the Aussie staple Vegemite! I don't know what black Russian is but we could all drink that out of black goblets! I will be the one in black fishnet stockings, killer black heels, black wig, black lipstick and black nails. Sort of like The Bride of Frankinstein,s grandmother! We will dance to Pachebel's Canon in slow mo with hands on hearts I am glad I didn't tell heaps of people about my procedure because now I don't have to untell them! I will just stay in my shell for a little while, but I will bounce back, I know I will. Thank you for the opportunity to just be how I am for now. Love to you all especially Rachel!

Yes, yes, and yes! I am gunna get zapped tomorrow. Message from the hospital to fast from 9 a.m and get my zap sometime after 3pm. Thank you all my dear HVJ friends for your messages. Off to pack my bag now. I will try and post on Thurs (your Wed) but I am staying with The Fox in the fox den so may not get to the puter. (He has an Apple and I am not familiar with it) I feel relieved and excited sort of. I will have more Zip when I get my Zap. I will of course keep my prayers going for Rach even if I don't actively send my thoughts electronically, just Spiritually, Now like when we train a puppy I want you all to HEAL! OK?

Yes, very small voice not ready to shout off any rooftops! I had my blood test a few hours ago and I have 2 hours to wait to see if my INR is in a 2-3 range. If so I will be having cardio version tomorrow. Have confided to only a few people just don't want to attract any negative energy. Generally people don't know what a CV is and when I explain I get a freak out reaction. This does not make me feel good so I prefer to keep it to myself. This is why this site is gr8 for very sensitive feelings as you all understand very well. I want to have the CV and I want it to work. The first time I was Cardioverted (as Paul would say) it worked very well for about 15 months. I had it done again and it only lasted for a few minutes and then slid back into AF. I am focused on it being a success this time as I had an ablation at the time of my valve repair. So not looking forward to the TEE as most of you in USA call it, we Aussies call it a TOE!!!! It is uncomfortable but necessary to check that there are no clots. Anyway, anyway it is only for 15 minutes and I can so handle that. Thank you for letting me whisper this latest news, it is so lovely that I can just totally be myself and you all just accept me the way I am. This gives me the energy and strength to get on an just do it! I don't know how Rachel's family are able to keep up with the postings. I pray that the trauma will soon be over for them all. I mean haven't they suffered enough? Sorry I cant be more upbeat, just love it that I can vent here. Will let you all know what happens tomorrow. Love to all.

Yes my INR is just outa control! All over the shop - sometimes too low now too bloody high! So I will slacken off the skull and cross bone stuff they give to wipe out the rat colony and take a bit more of the Vitamin K in leafy green vegetables and re check the levels again on Thurs. Still in a low mood - and feeling guilty about it and you all know why, thoughts of a damsel in distress in the UK hoping her prince can save her with the kiss of life and bring her back to us. Only the Lonely (Roy Orbison) but you may not even know this one. Prob Katy Pery is more your style. We gunna hear her ROAR!!

Rachel dear Rachel in our thoughts and prayers it is only one week since she was admitted to hospital for her first surgery seems much longer to us and prob a lifetime for her family! On a personal note I am off to have my INR checked this morning, I will report back here with the results. Keep on tickin my gang members!

OK thanks for visiting but you all came at once, like a party and I didn't get a chance to catch up with you one on one so I will do a press release! Rebecca I am so glad Aussieland is on your to do list, after Africa of course! Ernie I know how to be stubborn I am a Taurean and us bulls can be stubborn when we need to be and I will take your tip and rev up the stubborn meter a notch! Jim! Yep! I am still here for you always, sometimes YELLING for you to stop with all this talk about fencing, and sometimes just a little smile and a wave to you like you are a naughty boy and I don't have the energy to reprimand you! Dear Lynn out on my kayak the water was muddy and I could not see the mirrors until the sediment had sunk to the bottom. Then when the water became clearer I saw all your lovely shinning faces smiling at me! You think so Susan that you are my vintage? Nah! I have had many more birthdays my dear! You are still working for a start! I retired many moons ago. Well I started work at age 15 in 1956 (I just checked the maths and that does not work out) No! don't try it I will tell you! I came on this planet in this lifetime in 1941. I raised two beautiful daughters alone - I was a single parent from when they were 4 and 7. I was alone for 30 years. However, I remarried 2 1/2 years ago to a total Fox of a lovely man who has helped me through all this heart valve crap! ,,,,and still she sleeps, our sleeping beauty in the UK waiting for the handsome, awesome prince to bring her back to us with his kiss! Thank you to you all for picking me up today! I wanted the world to stop for a while so I could get off for a bit! Thank you all for coming to my pity party! G x

My darlings! See what happens here? Within minutes of my sharing I receive messages of support from you and feel enveloped in love! Tears streaming as I read your lovely words. My heart is open again! Our hearts are at all stages - some wonky, some weak, some strong and all in between. Thank you!

You know the one 'Wishin' and hopein' and lovin' and prayin' or maybe you are too young to know this one. But this is how we are all pulling for Rachel to heal. I feel in Limbo atm and cant move forward until I know Rach is out of danger. The latest report is very reassuring so we will cling to that! To add to my lack of energy I was due to have a Cardio Version this week but on the morning of my planned procedure it was found that my INR was too low and not safe to proceed. Back to the drawing board - increase the rat poison and get the INR to a therapeutic level and reschedule my procedure. Part of me thinks this is but a pebble on the beach compared with what other HV patients are dealing with and I give myself a dose of the guilts! So I am just going back into my shell for a little time - too many ups and downs atm. So cant send abundant energy and massive inspiration for you all, but know instead that a gentle, very gentle continuous stream of appreciation and love comes to you all from me! G x

OK hands up any of you who have suffered with this? My cardio dude asked me if I was depressed because I was not showing very much facial expression! I was privately turning off him because he is not a fan of Cardioversion and says it doesn\'t work especially for someone of my vintage (72). He was also speaking negatively of my surgeon for suggesting the CV. I so don\'t want to hear any negative talk about my upcoming procedure (Cardioversion) as I have been in AF for the last 3 years and it has put many restrictions on what I can do. The fact that I had an ablation of the nerve causing the AF gives me a better chance that my ticker will slot into Sinus after the procedure, so I will just keep on thinking in a positive way. Rather than say this to the Cardio dude (in a 15 minute consultation) I just switched off from him. ANYWAY, ANYWAY, ANYWAY, I have to concede that I am depressed because I get the same shut down feeling in other social situations - especially in the pm as I am by then fatigued and wanting a rest. I know what depressed feels like as I have suffered at other significant times in my life when I have been through some heavy shit and I am not in that space atm. I am still functioning normally but have lost my mojo and sense of fun is all. Adam wrote about this and went on the happy pills. I don\'t want to go on anti depressives and will endeavour to get in the sun and exercise a bit more. Have any of you been through this? I would be gr8full to hear how you coped. I still have some energy however and the more I extend it to all of you the more I generate for myself. So here it comes with my blessings to you all. G x

Ok! I can pretty much manage my migraines and tiredness if I monitor my activities .i.e. Exercising, Resting and Eating Right! However, this is soooo BOREing!!!! I was so over it all I took myself for a fairly long drive last week 60k\'s return. I attended a Body, Mind and Spirit festival. I did not have much fun - I had some \'energy healing\' , purchased some \'space clearing potion\' and won a lucky door prize of a meditation tape. I was feeling pretty tired after the drive, but the best part was sitting in the sun, enjoying my Gozleme and listening to the various presenters, promoting Dowsing, Angelic Reiki and Meditation. I LOVED just sitting there doing lots of nothing!!! I thought to myself that I am not really missing out on anything if I just stay home and don\'t go anywhere!!! So I managed to make the most of the time I was away from home 6 hours but I have paid for it ever since with total exhaustion and the mother of migraines! Was it worth it? Yeah, I reckon it was because I learnt my lesson and will only do that again if I am DESPERATE! Good luck to you all and my blessings to you for good health! Gabi x

I am definitely feeling better since before my surgery. e.g I can bend down to pick up stuff from the floor now without feeling faint! I also don\'t have a need to watch the grass grow!! LOL! This is how I justified myself when feeling in a low mood with low energy! The surgeon was pleased with the result of his work and changed my medication I am back on Digoxin - again much better for my mood! I have been given the OK to commence Yoga but will have to see how I go. (I still find it hard to get out of a chair let alone up from the floor after a downward dog asana)! I have been going to the heated pool and just walking the laps like a complete dork! The warm water is comforting and I am getting a little exercise right? Love & blessings to you all from Gabrielle x

Yep! Cant shake the feeling of being hung over all the time! Dont know if it is a result of the AF with my heart beat that is still all over the joint or the result of the medication I am on. The meds are a beta blocker and a blood pressure tab. I would love to start driving again but do not feel confident because of this zombieness! I see surgeon for 6 week check up tomorrow so will see if meds can be changed or if he offers to do a cardioversion. Sending HEARTfelt love and greetings to you all. lol. Love Gabi x

Yes! hands up who did not know how to put on your surgical stockings? Or am I the only dopey one? Now I cant stop looking at myself in them and think I am on my way to play Penant Bowls or off to the retirement home for aged Geisha girls. LOL! Anyway a big thank you to Rebecca who saw my plight and showed me the way. Thanks Rebecca! G x

Yes truly my life revolves around \'em i am either:- Getting them washed Getting them dry Getting them on Getting them off! By far the most difficult is step 3. Such torture! Anyway thank you to those who left me a message today. It is one month since my surgery and I came home from seeing the Cardio dude feeling a bit \'down in the dumps\' as he says that the results from the Cardioversion do not always last. Then I see here that Paul R has just blown that out of the water and given me hope again. Also it is helpful to know that other Zipper Zappers have been struggling with Migraine headaches. As I have said here before if that is the worst (having migraines) then that is OK with me! I still feel so much better after my surgery than I did before. Good luck to any of you getting the Zip or the Zap this week. Love from Gabi x

Yes lets call ourselves the Zipper Zapper Club! Following our Replacement/Repair or By pass surgery, we have the zipper mark to show where the surgeon has been doing his work, and we all have Zip and plenty of Guts to qualify membership. I reckon Adam would approve as well. I am very proud of my zipper and wont try to cover it up!!!!! I Feel so much better to know it is normal to experience Migraine headaches and If that is the worst I have to endure then that is certainly OK with me. Thank you for all the posts you have left me I will swing into the guestbook now and answer personally! Grab some of the warm blessings I am sending to all my dear fellow Zipper Zappers! Love from Gabi x

3 weeks post op! Have had a migraine nearly every day. Taking Panadine Forte for the pain and the disturbed vision and resting - as if I need an excuse to rest - but when I have a good day I feel very enthusiastic about my life and want to get onto things but the migraine forces me to rest! Walking each day for 20 minutes at a time - feel bit doddery my balance is not good so doing some balancing on one leg at a time yoga style. My heart is still in AF and I am hoping and praying that it will flip into Sinus by itself otherwise I think the surgeon wants me to have a cardioversion. I will face that when I have to. You have all been very quite lately - not many posts have been appearing in my inbox! Hope you are all OK - enjoy your weekend. Love Gab x

Yes! Feeling very normal and happy!!!! My theory is that for years I have not been getting oxygenated blood to my brain which has caused low moods and depression. Have been enjoying small walks along the beach and paddling in the surf. Yes I know an older woman was seen paddling in her Ted,s surgical stockings and Ozzie flag thongs - but that was someone trying to pass herself off as me! I am still urging the grass to grow but because there isnt any growing where I am staying atm I am putting my energies into getting the carpet to stretch and flex to get some action. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts and every blessing for those of you having your surgery this week. Love G x

Here I am Post Op. Cant believe it all went so well. Big operation Mitral Valve repair, Tricuspid repair plus ablation of the dingle dangle flopperena which causes Atril Fibrillation. So still in AF but not thinking about that just yet. Surgeon wants the inflammation to subside before he attempts Cardio Version. I enjoyed some entertaining halluccinations while I was under. Including a \'flock\' of pigs dressed in surgical gown and caps. Each carrying little pink handbags and wearing killer heels on their trotters! They were happy with me and did not need to stop for a visit. LOL! Love and blessings to all undergoing surgery this week. G x

Yes as Adam would say \'keep on tickin\' I have ticked five boxes as I moved from one test to another and one medico to another on Monday at my pre admission clinic. I counted all the good things I have going for me they are:- My heart is good My arteries are good My lungs are good My weight is good Blood pressure ditto! and I will add anothery My attitude is good! So here goes on Thurs - bring it on I reckon! Will give you all an update when I am mobile again. Thanks for all your thoughts, kindness and prayers. Gabrielle x

I am poised at the starting block ready to run the last distance for my \'procedure\'. Busy this week getting blood tests, chest x-ray and dental clearance ready for my pre admission next Monday. I need extra energy to get all this in order and so far I have been able to manage it by not wearing myself out doing too much! I have a basket of ironing but just iron 2 items at a time so that I am not fatigued. I am not worried about the operation just concerned that it may not happen after I have built myself up to acceptance. e.g. I have had a cough and cold and I know the surgeon would not proceed if this is still hanging on but hey I have over 8 days to rid myself of any infection. I have been dosing myself with Vit C & Horseradish as well as eating lots of garlic, onions & leeks. So I better get on my bike now and start my day. Thinking of you all and thank you for your support, thoughts and prayers. Gabi X

OK so I am back in business writing in my journal with a lota help from MIichelle - thanks Michelle. My tentative date is 18th July - Thurs week however, this could change if there are more urgent cases. Now that I have a date I am feeling quite excited and this gives me more energy to pack my stuff and see to everything.e.g. my pre admission appt. blood tests, X ray and a clearance from my dentist to say my mouth is stable. So I am still interested in the status of the grass but no longer have the time to meditate or ruminate to encourage growth!!! I am not concerned about the surgery the sooner the better now that I have come this far. I am more like bring it on! Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers! Gabi x

How I have been feeling! Well I want to record how it is for me today so that I can remember and compare the before and after of MVR. After just 20 minutes of ironing this morning I was tired for the rest of the day. Like you cant be a little bit pregnant you cant be a little bit exhausted. But exhausted I have been for many months now. Forget that I used to teach folk dancing classes, take yoga classes, ride my bike, walk on the beach and enjoy all these things. If this sounds like self pity it is not, I merely wish to look back on a time in my life and remember very clearly why I chose to have the MVR \'procedure\' (say in low voice with upside down smile\'! I want my life back and If I am having a hard time during my recovery I want to remember how I was before the surgery. BTW I dont just sit idly and do nothing when the fatigue monster hits me. Oh no, it may look like it but I am focusing on the movement of the leaves on the trees outside, watching the odd bird fly past and even watching the grass grow!! I am actually flat out! Last night I layed off the rat poison (Warfrin) in preparation for my Angiogram on Tues. This is one more step in the proceedings to get me on the table for my life changing \'procedure\' (you know how it is said now) Thanks for checking in on me again! G x