Margaret's Guestbook

Margaret Fielden  I was concerned Adam hadn't  come up with anything! I'm glad the breathing isn't as painful but this heart stuff is very confusing. Keep a close watch. I'm trying to keep up the walking. My husband just told me he's bought me a treadmill for cold days! Take care.

Margaret Fielden  I hope you woke free of pain. Does it need a check up to make sure where it is coming from?  It sounds like time for focusing on resting for your health and getting mindfulness going to reduce stress. Wow, don't symptoms around the heart put that stress back up. 
I'm doing OK with spirometer and breathing exercises. Walking is OK but I was disappointed that I don't get far. The back injury makes me waddle! My surgeon rang yesterday panicking that I hadn't turned up to the post op appointment that Papworth postponed twice. I said I'll be there on January 29th at 11.00am as requested. They need better admin back up.
Praying you have a better day

Suzette Schear  I wrapped an ace bandage around my chest the pressure helps.  It might be a pulled muscle stress I don’t know .  I’m sorry about the wobbling when walking can they put a back brace like a weight lifter so you have support.  

Margaret Fielden  I do hope it goes off for you. Whatever has caused it I pray it goes.
I have a brace I wore with the spinal fractures.  I can hide it under a big coat! At least it will keep me walking.
Take care

Suzette Schear  Buy oversized shirts so it don’t show.  I just fell on the way to the train not hurt but my pride is.  I thought I was over this

Margaret Fielden  Oh no. Hope you haven't hurt yourself. Sometimes your bruises show later. You don't need more pain. You are tired and in pain, it makes you less able. Rest well 

Kathy Ozio  Great advice. Turning off news was the best anxiety lower I did. And the phones too. I think we've lost how to live in the moment and it does cause unnecessary stress.

Margaret Fielden  That is definitely good advice.  I have avoided the news,  particularly the stuff about the NHS not coping and prople waiting days to be seen at the emergency room. I 'have had two visits in the last month and have been see fairly fast, so known heart issues get priority, so the news is scary but maybe doesn't apply.  
However, I look for my phone/ tablet and panic when I can't see them so I need to break their hold!
Thank you for encouraging me with my art, I think it keeps the mind focused and off concerns.  Hope your working week becomes easier as time goes on.

Suzette Schear  Kathy you are so right, my company is very good with having podcast and mindfulness and stuff like this I turn off my phone at night and one of my girlfriends freaked out on me.  Thought it was funny .  She got use to it. 

Suzette Schear  Margaret I hope you got a drawing pad out or at least an easel.  You went to school I think I recall for art therapy.  Maybe that was for you to use in this point of time.  Hope your well my friend

Margaret Fielden  Hi Suzette, I am getting towards painting, displacement activities first though. I have chair pads I want to dress with new fabric, this will involve my husband and a hammer. Then I have no excuses at all. I have been thinking a lot about what I would like to paint next. I'll get there.  I did one year of a two year art therapy masters, it was fascinating stuff. I gave up because the lectures on psychology were so simplistic, like high school stuff, and I had qualified in clinical psychology by then. I was embarrassed speaking out as it sounded like I was criticising the tutor by trying to take the learning on a bit further. I discussed it with my fellow students who wanted me to stay on but I didn't feel comfortable with it. Shame as I loved the practical art therapy.
 I told my surgeon I need my right lung working so I can fly in the spring, he was non-committal! So chair pads this morning, then art alongside breathing exercises.
I hope you are getting relaxation with working longer hours and taking great care of yourself. Lots of hugs with Tiger needed to reduce stress.

Suzette Schear  Today I wrapped up my chest in an ace bandage to put pressure on the area.  I ran into the same problem when I took philosophy. I wasn’t trying to be a smarty pants.  You had the wrong teacher.  The chairs sound like a good start especially if it has been on your mind.  Tiger can tell I don’t feel good going to be early on a train now so o figure set my alarm and hopefully wake I with this home.  I don’t know what causing it.  Thanks for checki
vnon me it helps 

Margaret Fielden  It sounds as though you need your doctor to check it out. I hope it goes off with the bandage. It is so hard to know if it is muscular or digestion  or heart related. I do hope it goes so you don't need to worry or be in pain. Seriously, you know your body so follow your instinct on whether you need a doctor's advice.
I wasn't trying to be smart either with the poor psychology teaching, I just found it hard to listen to it so badly taught! Take care of yourself.

Margaret Fielden  Fantastic, so Tiger looks forward to a healthier New Year with you. Thank you for the candle. I know I survived only by God's Grace and I intend to make the most of my time. My cardiac rehab nurse called today who I knew from previous rehab for heart failure. She said , having read the notes and seen what I had gone through, she didn't expect me to be doing as well as I am. She said nicking the aorta was very serious, my HB was only 9.9 on discharge after numerous transfusions so it will take a while to build up HB to 14 or so. However, I can start cardiac rehab with my old team in early February after my post op. So that was encouraging. I'm making small walks each day, so far not very interesting but a few more steps each day.  I will photo the Norman tower of our church on the corner of our street, that was my pre-op walk. A good place to go to give thanks. Lots of thanks to give!

Margaret Fielden  The Norman tower of our village church, St Mary and St Nicholas, a mix of Protestant and Roman Catholic and very old. The tower was built around 1086 so ancient and crumbling I enjoyed the walk! Hope your treatment is underway Suzette.

Suzette Schear  Oh it’s beautiful. That right down the block from you, you are lucky.  My boyfriend and I go to churches all the time.  Here was Sunday at Patrick’s cathedral 

Margaret Fielden  That is a fine entrance, very beautiful carving. My Dad went to a fine looking church in Wilmington, Delaware when he worked for American Airways for a few years. My step Mum was born in the UK but a GI bride so had US citizenship. We visited Wilmington but just on one occasion.
Our village here in the UK is in rural Lincolnshire and has a few interesting old buildings but a lot of new builds too.
Our church tower is crumbling away, you can't  get close in case of falling stone. The nave of the church is Victorian so much newer, about 1870.  My walk before the surgery was up to the church and round it and I made it today. I'm sure my lungs felt more open afterwards. Next goal,  it will be the boar wood. When we first walked there a young wild boar ran out in front of us!
 You will feel so much better when those vitamins get working in your body! A great Christmas gift I hope.

Suzette Schear  Are the boar dangerous or do they run from people?  You survive ohs and could have gotten hit with a church brick glad you didn’t get to close. Bet your breathing experience is different rather than how it was before.  I’m grateful for Tiger and me , I always appreciated my life, but do so much more now. Churches -We go up to sleepy hollow and sit with congregation there.  The church is small but the glass windows are made from chagell donated by the Rockefellers.  I like when Dolan speaks at st Patrick’s, he’s relatable and made me understand the holy spirt so I thanked him while others just wanted a picture with him lol. but I like the church in tarrytown  just as much . I’ll save that story for you after your next outing picture. 

Margaret Fielden  The wild boar was a baby otherwise it could have been dangerous, just scared to see two humans!
I enjoy old buildings too, churches are often very interesting buildings. The livelier churches led by the spirit can be less impressive buildings  here in the UK. Some beautiful churches round the country are very spiritual too, of course.
I went to walk in the local town today but the wind was so cold, I had problems breathing afterwards so I learned a lesson there.  I did take a picture of the market square with the Christmas tree . I'll try to upload!

Margaret Fielden  Caistor, a Georgian market town founded by the Roman's as a fort built on the great north road through Britain

Suzette Schear  Very beautiful it looks peaceful.  We have a couple of towns like that on Long Island, can’t walk to them.  Hope the lack of breathe wasn’t too daunting and you take breaks when needed.  Here’s another story, since you are an amazing artist you’ll appreciate this.  There is a church with all stain glass created by Chagall and Matisse donated by the Rockfellers.  look up Union church of pocantico. There is virtual tour.  So I’ll post a picture then another one.  We original went there during mass to see the windows.  We liked the windows but there was something special about the church so we sometimes get up and drive there it takes and hour .  So the story continues a long time ago a parishioner painted the church. A lot of the kids in the painting are now adults in the congregation.  The ended up making a puzzle replica of the painting and gave the pieces out so every who goes there has a piece to bring back to complete the puzzle / congregation.  Now I’ll send the pictures. Sorry so long 

Suzette Schear  A piece of the puzzle and a copy of the original painting.  Trying to find the card to see when they were expecting the piece back.  

Margaret Fielden  That is such a pretty church and the Chagal window amazing, so full of colour and life. What a beautiful story about the painting made into a jigsaw. Maybe you take your piece back to give thanks for answers or maybe at Christmas when God fitted everything together for our salvation. A very lovely church and special history to be part of

Suzette Schear  It’s far we have to leave at 8:am to get to 10:00 mass.  I can’t wait to go back.  How are you getting around, are the sores and other stuff working itself out?  Just a lot of humbling and my ego wanted me to be how I was.  It takes time but I bet you see a lot of improvement as time moves you forward

Margaret Fielden  That is a long way to go.
I'm getting around pretty well but the wind was so  cold today that I stayed home and wrapped Christmas presents. It is humbling to realise how things that were easy before seem like climbing a mountain. I've got very nervous about catching viruses as our hospitals are filling with flu patients.  I have another chest xray after Christmas to check if the pneumonia patches on my lungs are clearing. I finish my antibiotic course tomorrow . I suppose getting courage to live normally is part of the recovery process. I'm still wanting to hide away! I think the trauma of my time in hospital hits me too.The sores are good thank you, just some problems with the spine from the breaks. Next year has to be better for us! Are you coping with the vitamin doses? Hope Tiger is back to previous form

Suzette Schear  Tiger is still wearing a cone but his personality has come back.  He looks for me in the morning and does a lot of his tigerism.  We fall asleep next to each other he is ver endearing. It snowed here so I put snow in a container he loves snow even though he in an indoor cat.  You went through a major surgery and you have a little ptsd.  It’s normal .  Your body was needs time for thing to settle and honestly for the longest time I stayed close to home never wanted to leave.  I didn’t feel safe what if I fall what if I lose my breathe it’s weird and I know for me I was in my mind all the time but that’s how it was.  Fior me  I was off.  Then I wanted to do so much in my mind but then I felt limited and defeated.  For me I couldn’t sleep do that added another whole level I went back to work 3 week post op from home.  That was stupid .  Everything was an effort and never thought I was going to get better and everybody’s life was not changed.  Then the fog brain from all the anesthesia.  It took three months then six months I felt normal until my vitamin issue I collapsed.  Everything might seem harder but when you muddle through these challenges life and things are so much more appreciate.  I always was like this but a much more now.  I started a new art journal .  Yeah I also stayed away from people who have cold or are sick I  really ask now.  I’m not taking any chances. So your smart in staying away.  Sorry about the pneumonia patches.  I had so much fluid they stuck a needle in my back and to drain it.  It was a liter thank goodness it’s patches.  Holidays can also add to the bittersweet feelings. 

Margaret Fielden  Good that Tiger is enjoying your company and offering comfort. It sounds like he's enjoying playing again like a kitten in the snow! I was talking to my husband about my fears before I saw your message and you had already talked about all those areas of fear. My husband says you are my angel.
I do have PTSD, you are right. One night in ITU , I heard a male nurse speak to my nurse. He said 'Margaret Fielden is very sick, you must call her husband'. I asked my nurse if I was dying and she said 'no you are doing well you are fighting back.'Then my surgeon said he thought they had lost me because of the nicked aorta and massive blood loss.  There were so many things said and I was just a body that couldn't move voluntarily and had to take whatever was happening. It is definitely PSTD . Now I'm secretly frightened about my lungs not reinflating and the patches of pneumonia meaning more antibiotics. That taps in to Christmas visits and family coming with viruses, and hearing on the TV about flu admissions being up 41%. It's all feeding in to me wanting to stay away from people in case they infect my lungs. I had 2.5 litres drained from both lungs after three courses of antibiotics failed. I know have reason to be sensible and to stay we'll postpone a Christmas visit until you are fit but the fear it fills me with is something deeper, about the terror of three weeks on oxygen gasping to breathe and one complication leading to another.
You went back into work mode before you'd really taken a clear breath. You had a lot to face, when hiding away for a while licking your wounds  was maybe a kinder response to what you had suffered.
I'm getting medications ,presents , organisation of the house so confused but the doctors said I was on the heart lung bypass a very long time so maybe my brain will reboot! Sleep is a problem. I don’t enjoy waking at four each day! There is a lot more to recovery than regaining physical strength and health. It does something to your soul which makes you long for the things you find special in life and take joy in, and cry for the fear of losing them. I'll get there following your pathway.

Suzette Schear  It’s hard to over hear talk like that and it should have been in another room.  I yelled at The guy who pulled the liter of fluid out.  He didn’t wait for the numbing  to happen, I felt it and cursed him out.  Then my warped mind ask to see it .  So that messes up breathing you have to use that annoying tube and walk around the house as to avoid the pneumonia getting worse.  You can’t control the pneumonia but you are aware of it and they seem to be monitoring you properly keep up that stupid breathing thing with the ball in it .  I’ll send u a pic if you don’t know what I’m talking about. I asked the doctor to give me something they offered melatonin but I get nightmares from it so they gave me xanux and I started having steady sleep.  Before that I was watching informercials thinking how I needed these stupid products.  The mental is tough you have to pull from mental strength I started drawing simple things it helped me not focus on me.  I watched movies and tried to read but focusing was hard.  It does things to your souls but my abilities are still in tact.  It’s the way I view things and people who I thought weren’t there and I learned who was.  It’s like disassociation and viewing things from and outside experience. That’s how it was for me.  I limited me contact cause  it was overwhelming to me to talk to more than one person at s time and my senses get overstimulated. I had meltdowns and it’s okay.  My boyfriend was patient but at the same time I was mad at him because I had to rely on him and it wasn’t fair.  Doesn’t make sense, I couldn’t focus I sat watched people talked and didn’t ad to conversation.  Holidays is a tough one.  If your concerned you could set boundaries in place no hugs no kissing st with a mask on or hold off .  Only you know what best for you.  I m sharing my journey as to let you know your not alone.  I’m 59 none of my friends or family had problems and I thought I was young then you see others on this website since they were kids. when I’m at the heart doctor and saw this older than me lady stood up and fell back into her seat I fist bumped her and said I do that too.  I been trying to use humor but it always doesn’t work.  

Suzette Schear  I hate drawing with lines so I forced myself . It brought me out of my head.  I still don’t do drawings with lines in it.  This is what I worked on while trying to recover.

Margaret Fielden  Your post-op art is fascinating. It must say something about your experience. The sad eye looking in from the outside analysing your experience. Trying to stay in the box. How do you interpret it? I did start an Msc in Art Therapy but didn't get that far! Interpretation is beyond me.
It's working out that Christmas will be quiet. My daughter has a virus and granddaughter has cancelled their visit for my sake.  Perhaps just as well, but I worry about my daughter who has schizophrenia and will be alone with a box of tissues at Christmas. I sent her a food parcel and will call her..
I had a good walk today to the church and then round my garden. It is better than house walks to reinflate the lungs. It is really painful having that pericardal fluid drained. I yelled out too! I go for a chest xray later this week so I want to see improvement. Papworth didn't use the breathingcaid but I think it would help me get my lungs sorted. I will look on Amazon.
I know I am on an upward path now but I am having to learn to pace myself. I have a very driven personality which has to be curbed! Today is a good day so I am sitting for a while before wrapping just one more present. Is Tiger getting a gift? Will you be spending Christmas with your boyfriend? I hope your preparations are complete and you will have a wonderful Christmas.  You have been a real blessing to me.

Suzette Schear  Don’t laugh I saw a picture I liked and tried to copy it. No hidden meaning in this one.  As much as you hate to cancel Christmas gathering , sometimes back to basics is good.  I’ve learned that it’s okay to be different and do things differently.  There’s only one of you and you have to put yourself first.  I’m a selfless unconditional person but I had to change that regarding my health.  My niece had a slight cold had I known I wouldn’t have picked her up.  Her mother asked her to take her medicine and she gave the teenager answer no and I told her I have a compromised immune system and I really don’t and can’t afford to catch anything.  I’ve always had the ability to say what I think but I normally refrain. Sorry about your daughter that’s got to be tough on her during holidays.  Maybe you can FaceTime if you know how to do that stuff. Apparently when they put the numbing needle to do the drain in lungs if you have light hair or reddish tints naturally it takes a longer time for that stuff to work.  Same with dentist. I truly curse him out .   Im surprised you nurse didn’t bring you a breathing tube thing.  It’s annoying and I hated it but it makes you lungs better.  Unless there was a reason.  You sound better both physically and mentally.  Keep up the good work. Tiger and I went to Michaels house.  We’ll be here for a couple of days.  Tiger likes it here.  I can’t buy treats for him he got to be on a prescription diet.  This poor baby.   I finally got everything done.  I couldn’t find the stockings my mother made for us.  We have been exchanging them since my mom died in 1994 at the age of 47 from cancer. I misplaced it finally found it in storage unit.  I’m hoping my sister isn’t too high strung for the holidays she always does a beautiful job.   I love her dearly but she drives me nuts.  Example I made plans with my niece my sister texted me in morning to confirm I’m picking my niece up. the kid is 19 years old and I the most reliable person you ever met and I already had confirmed and set a time with her.  She texted when we were heading to a taco place my niece wanted to go .  Then texted again.  Geez how am I supposed to develop a relationship with her if you keep interrupting.   If you plan dinner with her you have to be exactly on time even if you are stuck behind a car accident.  I call her Martha Stewart on steroids . I’m at michaels house he lives pretty close to her.  She is a wonderful person just a bit high strung at times.  She is the First one there if I need help and was amazing during my surgery.  I wish you and you husband a Merry  Christmas filled with peace love and happiness you have a lot to celebrate.  

Margaret Fielden  Well. I did laugh. So much for my interpreting your art!! At Papworth,they don't  use a spirometer anymore. So I just bought one from Amazon. Some people need them! I hope it will help. I have light hair and certainly felt every drop of gunge drained from the pleural cavity! 
 Mild today so a walk planned to get the lungs open.
My sister was a nurse. She is super tidy and keeps her house immaculate.  I like it that way but it is a struggle! Over the years we have had our moments but since my surgery, she has shown her real beauty as a person. She has been wonderful. She visited when I was in ITU and, of course, knew everything that was happening because of her background. I could see her distress but dhe was calm and encouraging. She really is a 'pearl without price' psalm 31.
I pray your celebrations will be really blessed with your family and Tiger, of course. We will be celebrating Chtist's birth and that He has given me more time. And you too. I pray this next year He gives you good health and lots of love in your life

Suzette Schear  My sister is a nurse as well.  This was hard for her and I’m glad she doesn’t have to worry anymore.  Glad you are continuing with the walking.  Today I’m moving slow.  It’s should be a wonderful Christmas Eve .  I’ll send you a picture. Wishing you and you family a merry Christmas filled with peace and love.  

Margaret Fielden  Hope you enjoyed your celebrations and had enough energy. We had a lovely Christmas. Now it's over we can  both rest!

Suzette Schear  Hopefully your daughter did okay.  Christmas Eve was a low energy day, nothing helped. I ended up mid way sitting on a couch and rested.  Christmas Day I was fine we walked on the boardwalk .  There was a Christmas tree on the beach.  1st picture is my sister and I

Margaret Fielden  Lovely photos! Your sister looks like you! So glad you felt better on Christmas Day and could enjoy the beach.. I have kept up walking , still short distances but that's OK. I have had a bad evening, my general doctor sent me to the hospital with suspected DVT. It isn't that, it's oedema. I thought I just needed extra diuretic and it turns out I was right. I didn't  like sitting in waiting rooms with people with flu etc. No masks and lots of tissues being used. I'm praying we are safe. We sat outside in the corridor after a while. I am relieved there is no DVT but need to lose the fluid from my ankles, podgy at night and slim in the morning! I'll try to load a Christmas photo tomorrow. 

Suzette Schear  I understand that Margaret. I found out  my sister got sick the day after I’m praying that I don’t get sick as well.  Well glad no dvt.  Can you call primary and see about sodium it’s linked to water retention.  We went to a place in Manhattan called the shed.  There was a group of artists that made rides. Luna Luna, it was surrealistic but I love art and Michael does too.  We saw that on Sunday.  I like Dali he had a part in it

Suzette Schear  I’m not like my sister n niece they are always posing for pics.  I am always awarkard in them.  I understand not wanting pic takien.  Starting next week I have to go into work three days a week.  I’m hoping I can build up my stamina and get back on track.  10 months post op.  I gained weight I need to work on that.  All that inactivity took its toll.  Are you starting to get back to basics?

Margaret Fielden  Wishing you well for the New Year Suzette. I hope your work proves to be easier to handle than you think. Are you feeling positive effects of your vitamin regime yet? You look great but any weight you are concerned about will drop with your travels to and from work.
I am working hard on getting my lung re-inflated. Walking and using the spirometer I bought on your recommendation! My surgeon agrees I need it. How much time did you spend using your spirometer? I don't want another drain! My post op is 22nd January so I'm having more investigations then.
The fluid is disappearing with extra diuretics, the Michelin man look is going! No DVT.
Take it easy at first back working, pacing is so important. I'll be praying for you to build up that stamina

Suzette Schear  So sorry you’re having problem with your lungs .  Is your breathing labored?  If you end up needing another drain just make them wait until you feel numb especially having lighter hair.  I know my breathing was like night and day after I had gotten it drained.  With everything you’re doing, you’re fighting the fight. Glad the Michelin man is gone.  Sounds like you’re getting adjusted , are you feeling better other than the lungs?  (Which seems like it needs to get under control) I used the spirometer a lot everyday I think every hour.  There was a line and I kept hitting the ball to the line but it was more about keeping up the ball with in range.  I used it for months after surgery to help my lack of movement .  I think I stopped after 4 months.  I also remember to drink water but you can always overdue it.  I have my notes at home. You might want to make sure you’re not drinking too much.  I have more good days than bad with vitamins.  Christmas  Eve was off and today was spinning a bit but I’m just pushing myself .   Stairs are hard.   I have anxiety about getting up at 5am and coming home 6:30pm three days in a row.  I’m hoping my body works with me walking fast pace and keeping up with hustle bustle.  This year they are looking to put me in a senior level position within company so I have to learn new and harder things and keep up I’m the oldest on my team.  None of the team members  know except for one.  I need to do this to support myself.  

Margaret Fielden  Thank you Suzette, I'm doing OK but fed up with one problem coming  after another. I know you've been there. My breathing isn't as good but I will keep trying with the spirometer and walks, short walks but I think they help. We have very cold weather predicted so I'll plan an inhouse walking route with plenty of steps.  I am pleased that you are getting better days. The long days when you get back to three days sound challenging.  Is there any way you can make the journey easier on yourself? You are clearly very well thought of at work, your abilities are still there and you have experience which helps you learn in different ways. If you have to make it known you will need support initially, will you find your workplace helpful? I know one of the best things I did, after being off sick for six months after  surgery some years back, was to see a clinical psychologist. I said how fearful I was about catching up when I returned to work. Her response was "Why wouldn't you feel like that? It's normal" It really hit home that I was expecting too much of myself. You have been through so much, give yourself some TLC. I don't know how things can feel less threatening on your return to three days but I will be praying for you to know God's peace.

Suzette Schear  I had a feeling your breathing was becoming challenging.  It’s too cold here as well. Doesn’t help.   I know the frustration but there is only one of you and sometimes you might feel like giving up but look how far you have come.  You really have. It took me awhile to just accept it takes time and your body is going to rule your health pace not your mind.  My company has been amazingly supportive including the vp.  It’s my immediate team have that uppdity attitude.  I’m the oldest and I get a lot of condescending comments.  It’s the city attitude.  Just two girls high school mean girls.  So they don’t know.  I just have to set my alarm and sleep on the train.  I just go along with the plan. I know I’m always hard on myself .  

Margaret Fielden  You are right that, in spite of setbacks, I have come a very long way since all the complications of surgery. I will hold on to that. My general doctor says that, considering what happened post surgery, my right lung is not too worrying. Spirometer, walking and breathing exercises needed!
I am so pleased that your company is supportive. That is what is most important and they recognise your worth. Those girls in your team don't  know yet what they will have to face in life. I hope when things happen, and that is inevitable for everyone, they have your courage and guts.  You know what you have achieved. It's a great idea to get sleep on the train, any rest you can get. Being hard on yourself takes tremendous bravery in your situation, just take the greatest care of yourself too. Praying your work goes really well for you.

Suzette Schear  Im glad your doctor isn’t too worried about your lung.  I can’t recall if the doctors had taken a recent X-ray to ensure there is no fluid buildup.  My cardio did that when I was having breathing trouble after surgery.  This would help to ease your mind and double check if something is limiting your progression.  Only you would know if it feels worse or not.  Unfortunately at this point you need to be your own advocate.  I just know by your texts you are doing much better than before. Keep moving around even if indoors.   It’s brutally cold here. As I have gotten older I have become a whimp when it comes to the cold weather.  I can hear the wind outside.  I bought some blouses to wear when I start going in to work.  Had espresso yesterday that wakes me up the best.  I know it’s not good for you but it gives me the energy I need.  I have been at mikes house for two weeks and heading home today with my stuff in the cold. (Did I mention it was cold lol)

Margaret Fielden  I hope you are staying warm. Leaving your home so early can't be good.  Nice that you have some new blouses for work, it helps to feel your best. I bought button up dresses to buck me up.
My left lung was clear on the last xray on December 30th but the right had deteriorated between the 6th and 30th of December xrays. I'm puffing on the spirometer and doing breathing exercises and walking and hoping for the best.
I have my post-op on 22nd January. It's a three hour drive and, as my husband has eye surgery next week, he can't drive. So I have a taxi booked and we are staying over. This evening I heard that my echo date has been changed to the 29th January. I can't  get there, and the earlier echo date was so my surgeon could check it over on the 22nd at our appointment. Of course, I'll make a fuss tomorrow  but I'm sick of everything being difficult. 
To crown it, I have a sharp very small black line at the top of my sternum and I think it may be the metal sternum fixing. I just hope it will cover with bone or something. I'll get my peace back tomorrow. 
Hope all goes well for you this week. 

Suzette Schear  Maybe your doc can call and push along the appt and make would call back and ask if there are any cancellations and explain the inconvenience. It’s okay to be difficult but really you’re not.  You are explaining why the test and follow up were set up n with your husband’s eyes appointment.  You’re allowed to be angry and frustrated the key is not to get caught in the web of it. You have been through a lot. I had that on the top and bottom where I was cut open.  They do extra stitching tying in that area like the end of a knot.  It was protruding. Your surgeon can remove that when and if it pokes through your skin.  My poked right through my body rejected the end of the stitches .  Yeah tomorrow is my first day.  

Margaret Fielden  That helps so much Suzette, Mine looks so similar in your April photos. I will have hope! Sending up prayers for you for tomorrow  that God lifts you up right through the day.

Suzette Schear  Thanks.  Sending prayers your way.  For me all was well up to six months then I collapse and you know the rest.  I wish they tell you all this I was freaking out and it hurt poked my skin.  I never thought they double knot a stitch on top and bottom.  They wait until it protrudes enough they removed gently in doctors office.  Good luck sleep well you got this 

Margaret Fielden  Thank you Suzette, that is really very helpful.  I looked for images on Google but found nothing and you had the perfect example of what happens with the protruding stitch. Bless you. Praying all will be well for you.

Margaret Fielden  Thank you Suzette. I need the push as the moment. I'm being a real baby about the itching skin, I think associated with blood thinners, which may be temporary and return to my old ones at post op.  I'm ready to claw the skin off in places, stupid I know. It will not let me sleep and is making me so miserable. I have a nurse morning and evening to help bathing and bed routines, observe really,  and a district nurse who attends the bed sores, she had a string of interesting photos  as it isn't easy to see the area! I would like to get more walks outside, so far they are just the paved garden area. It hasn't  stopped raining. I may ask to go to the next town or garden centre to get something to look at and ignore the rain. Cardiac rehabilitation starts with a call from the senior nurse on 17th December. It is a 45 minute drive, although I suspect that is nothing in the States. I can call the heart specialist nurse at Papworth with concerns. My BP is very low and HR higher than desired although I think it is common in valve surgery.
Three minutes yo codeine and paracetamol, then maybe I'll sleep.
Thinking of Tiger today and praying all is benign. It is a lot of worry for you now. Too much uncertainty about your health and now Tigers. You are in my prayers 🙏 ❤️ 

Suzette Schear  Why would you want to see those photos .  Here’s my butt. I know when I was younger I didn’t mind but now no thanks Only kidding, but you got to learn to laugh at these things.  Ask if you can get children’s Benadryl might help take edge off, it actually sounds like you’re allergic to one of the meds.  Ask the nurses to read the back of side effects and see if one has hives.  Maybe they can cut it in half. Nothing is stupid sounds like hives and you are suffering. Send me a photo of flowers and yes you should do that being inside mentally made me afraid to leave the house.  My blood pressure was high and low as well . Amazon or nurse should be on that .  I was on a lot of meds and one of them made my blood pressure drop.  I had to be at least 110 to take it.  If my blood pressure went lower they made me skip it.  Two of the pills were taken at the same time also cause that problem.  So my nurse changed one for morning and one at night.  Don’t be afraid to speak up and ask questions.  You have to be your own advocate.  Hope you have heart pillow or pillow to sit in back of car when driving.  They don’t want a person in front with seat bags that can go off your sternum isn’t heal and can cause stuff to shift around in a bad manner.  I’m sure you know but if not sit with pillow in back seat then sealtbelt around.  You need to go out it will help.  If you get tired that’s okay to.  The more you walk the less bed sores.  I just got tiger home with a cone they didn’t have to go deep in his ear canal, which meant cutting his ear flap so much of a blessing.  I did not get codine though that would have been wonderful.  You have to watch constipation with that. 

Margaret Fielden  You are right , who wants to see the progression of a healing sore on a coccyx, very unappealing. It is 12.55 am and we ate sitting or lying in my case on a hard trolley for the night. Waiting for the medical team to promounce HR too high, BP too low, CRP too high so infection somewhere. Looks like I'm staying in at the local hospital. Husband has to find a cab home. Neither have a good prospect, mine is a sore coccyx on a hard couch waiting for meds to kick in His is finding a cab home in the cold rain. Bad day again, better for tiger.though!
I just took 60mg codeine, good stuff but needs limiting
Fantastic that Tiger had less surgery than predicted. He will look cute and offended in that cone. Wishing him well. wishing you joyxx

Suzette Schear  Rather then be on it no pun intended. It’s okay if you have to go back- rather that than traveling to several doctors and appointments to fix it. And they can adjust the meds for the high and low blood pressure and get rid of those hives.  It stinks but you can also walk in the hospital with help and keep motivated.  Come back stronger . It stinks your husband had to find cab in rain but he probably knew this setback will help you heal so much better in the long run. Here mr cone head.

Margaret Fielden  Oh poor Tiger! How undignified for such a very fine specimen!
Back home after 24 hours in hospital. Back on antibiotics for pleural cavity infection. Still patches of fluids even after the huge drainage 2 weeks ago. They hope the a-fib will settle when the infection goes. They left meds as they are, but I think timing is important, sometimes doses are too close and the BP and HR are affected. I'll ring Papworth Hospital on Monday to discuss management of the a-fib. Should be my post op in a few weeks, a change of meds again I'm sure. I keep thinking this all has to pass but I know so many people, like you, haven't found recovery so easy or staightforward .
Tomorrow is a new day, so if the rain stops, I'll encourage my lungs by walking around the garden. Couldn't see the views for rain on the way back today!

Suzette Schear  They had to change my drugs a couple of time sue to blood pressure that eloquis and I forgot the other name both are blood clotting as well as aspirin so it the pressure of your blood pressure is slower your numbers fluctuate. They messed with your insides and everything has to find its settling down place.  Just got to learn to be really patient it took my around 51 days .  I felt good then a couple months after that I collapsed.  Which was new different journey.  Keep a list of questions and understand what the drugs do. They slowly pull you off them as you heal.  Sorry about the infection but glad they know about it and are asters it.  As I told you from beginning everyone’s journey is different.  Everyone was so supportive but to me I felt like why after 10 months is this a problem when I hear others running marathons and returning to work with no problems.   I am truly sincerely happy for them but it started to be hard cause I don’t want to complain and be negative so I slowed down going in this website.  You need to walk it will help thing moving around you might be tire but just a little a day you’d be surprise when the endorphins start moving.  Tiger keeps bumping into everything but I’m extremely grateful he’s home just hope biopsy comes back good

Margaret Fielden  Thank you Suzette. It is a balance to hear about more difficult recovery as well as the great positive stories. I would feel much more alone and despairing if I hadn't heard of your struggles and others on this site. It is slower and a different path for some of us and worse to think we struggle alone.
Today I am going to work at walking, horrible weather here, but I need to see what has happened to my house whilst I haven't been around so house inspection walks!
Poor Tiger, he does look cute but hard for him and you. I hope the biopsy results are fast and very encouraging. Thinking of you

Suzette Schear  I understand the  struggles and you are not alone it’s how you pick yourself up afterwards. You sound like you have a great support team of doctors and hubby .  I hate to tell you this it’s just going to take time.  You have to mentally go through a lot which I wasn’t prepared for.  Kind of for me -hey I went through ohs I’m not the same your live continues as if nothing happened.  Especially when I was getting better.  I did get displaced anger but I can see how it can happen and did not lash out.  I also was wearing the same clothes because they felt comfortable on my skin even after shower I three outfits, but I started the routine of morning. Day clothes and nite clothes.  At that point I was physically hurting and didn’t care but it was pointed out to me. So I went with it and made conscious efforts. I kept pushing the walking even if ever so slightly because it will help your organs settle.  You been through a lot and from your texts I’m proud of you and your determination to get through this.  That’s one of the reason I write these long texts. Besides being selfish of wanting to see you in Greece.  Tiger keeps bumping his head around but he’s adjusting.  I raised his food bowl  so it wasn’t cone covering the bowl.  I had to give him some dignity

Suzette Schear  My pleasure I didnt have anyone around me who understood.  Just kept me isolated then  I found this website.  It helped but ultimately it’s on you and just pull from your inner strength Send me a photo from your walk .  

Margaret Fielden  Hi Joy,Thank you for your welcome home message. It is all very uncomfortable and I have to say the bed sore on the b.t.m. doesn't  help! I 'm hoping to walk a little in the garden tomorrow, pretty cold here!

Margaret Fielden  Thank you, still way to go with tubes and oxygen in place. I find it difficult to eat cewy foods because of shortness of breath. However, I now have wrinkly arms which look wonderful after my puff balls!

Suzette Schear  Hoping they are patching you up and taking good care of you.  Do you know when they want to send you home.?

Suzette Schear  That’s good,  you rather be monitored and taken care of properly  rather than go home and come back.  Wish I could help so I’ll continue with the prayers.  Hopefully you get a cute nurse man.  Lol

Margaret Fielden  I will be here at Papworth for another ten days or so. Still on oxygen and the cardioversion failed. It will be better here once I'm off tubes. Prayers are so much needed

Margaret Fielden  Thank you Ruth, I'm relieved my surgery is not an emergency like yours . My surgeon decided waiting out the 7 weeks recommended after my covid wasn't wise, so the mitral valve disease won at 31/2 weeks post covid.

Kimberly Eisenhut  You will be in my prayers Maragaret. We are all here for you and please keep us posted along the way. Much love and hugs sent!

Margaret Fielden  Thank you Suzette, I am doing fine. I had an anti viral drip and I'm testing negative with no symptoms now. It means a few weeks wait for surgery as post covid surgery has adverse outcomes for about 7 weeks. 
I am so sorry you haven't had a clear diagnosis of what is causing your symptoms yet. Thinking of you and praying your problem will be found.

Suzette Schear  I’m glad you did the drip and you are tested negative.  I am glad you’re doing fine and understand the scarey part of waiting but then you get to a point I’m tired of this let’s just get the surgery over.  Did they set a new date for you!

Margaret Fielden  I have to wait for a call from my surgeon maybe today or next week. Surgery will be toward the end of November, I think. I'm enjoying some days in my garden as it is cold but bright here. I hope I will be ready next time! Hope you are coping with the disappointment of not getting a clear diagnosis.

Suzette Schear  Glad you’re enjoying the garden.  It’s one of my favorite things I had a real greenhouse until it got destroyed in a winter storm.  This year I already started drying out my sunflower seeds.  I’m had a meltdown in the office.  I’m went from two appts to 7 appts.  So it’s a part time job.  I like to read so I been reading obsessively keeps my mine occupied.  How are you doing  with having to wait?

Margaret Fielden  I love greenhouses and reading. I paint too, trying to discipline myself to paint something most days. So waiting time is OK. I think I'll freak out when I get a surgery date!  I hope your work is not too demanding, relaxing seems to help heart's tick better!

Suzette Schear  Funny I paint too.  You might freak out then you might just get tired of waiting.  We seem to have a lot in common.  Work is demanding but I actually love what I do.  What type of medium and subjects do you like to paint

Margaret Fielden  That's interesting. I like painting people best, strangely when I worked all day with people I painted landscapes! My preference is pastel but, at present, I 'm just doing watercolour sketches to make myself paint. What is your choice in art? What work do you do?
 I think you are right that my freaking out will be followed by resignation and just wanting to get the op out of the way.

Suzette Schear  I’m eclectic on what I paint.  Lately butterfly’s, and flowers, lighthouses.  I just finished this for my sister-in-law who was sick.  It’s a hobby for me,  I just finished this for my sister in law

Suzette Schear  That’s absolutely gorgeous this was pastels or water colors.?  Looks impressionistic. Also has a flare of Norman Rockwell .  

Margaret Fielden  It is pastel. I have a lot of impressionist type stuff from my Greek days! I hope to go back next spring, God willing, when the surgery is over.

Suzette Schear  You will can’t wait to see a picture of you there.  That’s amazing you do beautiful work.  I’m on the train so tired.  We go to slot of museums and galleries.  Do you show your work? 

Margaret Fielden  I can't  wait to see me there! I have shown  paintings in the past and held an art group for a few years in my home in Crete. I do hope you get some rest, it must be exhausting taking the train to and from work. Is  your work in New York, I loved it there? My home in the UK is a long way from galleries, out in the sticks. One day I will visit museums and galleries again!

Suzette Schear  I can’t wait to see you there.  Corny but I’ll have a big smile on my face. I live on Long Island but go into nyc 2 days a week for work.  My boyfriend and I are theater goers and we love art galleries.  Our headquarters are in the uk.  I just learned of the musician Paul Weller. I had lost my ljob about 3 1/2 years ago due to COVID always wanted to work in the city and found a job there I was close to working for nbc network but they hired within.  I learned a new trade and have been there 3 1/2 years.  I’ll be up for senior management position as long as my health doesn’t get the best of me.  It must be amazing having a home I’m Crete. What made you come back?

Margaret Fielden  I'll look forward to that smile. Long Island sounds a lovely place from what I read. New York is amazing for theatre and galleries. I pray your health holds up and you get that position you want. 
I was  at my lovely home in Crete from February 6th to April 21st this year but collapsed twice, first time 11th February, when I broke my spine in the fall. Second time just before I returned to the UK to see family. So this year has been hospitals in Greece and UK and finally the diagnosis of severe mitral valve disease causing all my problems.  So not allowed to fly back to Crete until after the surgery! I will make it there in spring 25! I'll have to listen to Paul Weller, get in touch with music again.

Suzette Schear  Music helps me. Sorry about the falls.  Hope it’s completely healed.  My collapses happened 6 months after surgery.  I listen to music and stories at night sort of puts me to sleep. Here is a picture from lunch in front sitting in front of macys looking at Empire State Building.

Margaret Fielden  Fantastic photo, what a lunch venue. My spine is doing well, just the heart to fix. I pray that your heart issues will be diagnosed and treated. Surgery is supposed to sort things out but I know that, sadly, things didn't  run smoothly for you. I bought some wireless headphones so I'll try the music and audio books to get to sleep, not easy!

Suzette Schear  I listen to the Aplacian story teller.  His voice sounds like a grandfather telling you a story to sleep.  https://youtu.be/Watv0dir0rQ?si=opX5obAmas2kB0XZ">https://youtu.be/Watv0dir0rQ?si=opX5obAmas2kB0XZ

i also listen to Dan https://youtu.be/BMOBSodif2c?si=ZqjozrHbdf-geVSF">https://youtu.be/BMOBSodif2c?si=ZqjozrHbdf-geVSF. He takes breaths between his story and his voice is soothing for bedtime.  I’m grateful for so 

many things this is a temporary setback it just really wears me down.  Both of there are on YouTube hope your able to access the links

Margaret Fielden  Hi Suzette, I have managed to get into the first link. It sounds really good so I'll be testing that tonight. I don’t have a date yet,  so I'm hoping it won't  be too long as I can feel the deterioration setting in! Hoping you are feeling better.

Suzette Schear  I understand that.  It makes it scary but take one day at a time I believe it will be okay.  Here’s todays glamour shot.  Everything normal.

Margaret Fielden  Oh Suzette, It doesn't look a very normal experience, I hope you are OK, I assume it was a an EEG?  Did they make you do the sleep EEG, I found it awful having been kept awake all night and then being unable to control my falling asleep. Lots of horrible snorts when I woke my self! Just sleep apnea, nothing else significant in my case. We do  go through some stuff  we wouldn't choose!!!

Suzette Schear  It was an EEG my brain hurts from the light I got a headache.  It was to see if my brain short circuits or if I had epilepsy but again everything came back normal. I had a zoom meeting with glue in my hair .  Nobody knew. Can’t make this stuff up.   They weren’t checking for sleep apena.  That’s the thing I’m always tired always falling asleep collapsed twice . This was after 6 months after healing .  

Margaret Fielden  Yes, I remember the flashing lights. When I collapsed the Greek hospital were determined to find epilepsy but couldn't. That's why the EEG was repeated after I had been kept awake for 24 hours, no epilepsy but sleep apnea. Of course, they didn't find my broken spine until my bladder stopped working after five days! You are so right, you can't  make up the things that happen. I hope the glue washed out and the headache has gone and you can rest. It is so upsetting knowing something just isn't working right but tests are not identifying the problem. Praying they look in the right place!

Suzette Schear  My grandma had epilepsy but thankfully I don’t. I had an inactive gall bladder they removed it.  I can’t believe you broke your spine.  Do they consider your bones fragile?  No more glue it’s all out no headache today.  Still really cold.  I feel like I missed a whole year of my life but glad to be around.  Here is the other link for sleep.  I actually used it last night and woke up with my phone dead.  https://youtu.be/xMsg4UfPfJc?si=lKk-6VXYQFSN_L1J

Margaret Fielden  Glad you don't  have epilepsy, another thing off the list. Maybe, getting closer to finding that is happening?
I landed on a hard tiled Greek floor but, as I wasn't  concious when I fell, I had no idea the injury was that bad when I came round. I have severe osteoporosis but the fractures were from trauma not compression.
I hope you feel fully recovered from the EEG. The sleep link sounds a good one! I'll try it. I'm thinking my symptoms are saying it is time for my surgery, so hope for a date from my surgeon within the next 4 weeks.

Suzette Schear  I felt a decline in my breathing and energy level.  They told me a saving grace was that I was active.  It’s weird how your body compensates.  I use to lie asleep propped up a bit it helps the breathing,  were you able to get reclining chair?  You’ll have to lay on your back.  That sounds very painful falling on tile floors.  Last fall was in pot hole in city I banged up my leg pretty bad.  Looking back I wonder if it was due to the balance.  

Margaret Fielden  Hi Suzette, I have had a few days of breathing problems and fatigue,  so I am hoping I keep going to my surgery date. I have a V shaped pillow for sleep and a recliner sofa, which I will need to use. I'm OK lying on my back now, getting in practice!  Balance can certainly be an issue with falls. I was unconcious before I landed this time, apparently due to the mitral valve disease. Windy day here in the UK!

Suzette Schear  When I felt a difference i called my surgeon  and he pushed the date up.  I didn’t want to go into the emergency room and let a stranger operate on me.  The fatigue is sort of normal for what’s going on.. when your body tells you to rest, just rest.  No pride or ego involved .  I get the balance thing just don’t put yourself into any compromising positions.  It will help with your safety.  Hope I’m not too overwhelming in telling you this.  

Margaret Fielden  No that's very  helpful. I am calling the hospital and my general doctor tomorrow to see if I can get a surgery date and advice on medication. I refused to go to emergency yesterday as I couldn't face the hours of waiting in NHS hospitals and catching somethingelse to postpone surgery. A GP friend advised me I needed to talk my doctor about upping diuretics because of my breathing problems. I took an extra 5mg today and have felt better, I was on the higher dose until recently. I have been very quiet today!  Hope you have had a better day.

Suzette Schear  It’s good that you stay away from hospital and honestly I wore a mask and stayed away from most people until I had my surgery.  Watch the amount of water you drink ask you doctor how much.  You could possibly be drinking too much or too little.  Glad the extra dose  worked. Let you doctor know.  They get paid to help you make friends with the practitioners who work with doctor and front desk.  They become really helpful at times.  I actually left 3:00 on Saturday and went to my boyfriends house.  It was good going out.  I had some moments losing breath climbing steps but took it pretty easy. Tiger was happy when I got home.  

Margaret Fielden  Hi Suzette, I'm getting anxious because the deterioration is becoming more obvious. My general doctor says I must call an ambulance if symptoms deteriorate or my oxygen drops. I have NYHA stage 3 heart failure too.  My surgeon is having paternity leave for two weeks in November but, of course, doesn't know when his wife will have the baby, so planning is hard. I know surgery has to be delayed because I had covid but this uncertainty is getting to me. Also, the concern that I'll end up with emergency surgery. The cardiologist was concerned at how rapid the deterioration has been on repeat ECG's. I don't know what to do!  The sun is shining but I'm too fatigued to enjoy my garden.  I could do with borrowing Tiger to calm me down,  very cute!

Suzette Schear  Stress won’t help you you have to slow yourself down.  I’m sorry it’s happening fast I’ve been there didn’t even have this website or time to research anything,  I have a suggestion see if you can talk to your doctor when he is on doing surgery and arrange on the side to go to the emergency room that day.  I had a doctor who did this with another surgery I had. .  All they have to do is book the operating room.  So it’s adding another procedure.  You’re here just sit back and appreciate  the gardens I get that feeling and I’m sorry you have to experience . did you get a negative COVID test?  Maybe they are holding off to make sure you’re safe for the surgery you’ll endure I would ask or talk to his office practitioner. if it’s scheduling  they may be able to do something.  You’d be surprise sending love hugs and peace

Margaret Fielden  Tiger is gorgeous! I'm having a pretend cuddle. What beautiful eyes Tiger has, just like a tiger!
 I spoke with my surgeon's secretary and a decision on date should be made this week. The antiviral infusion really helped and I was negative for covid after five days. However, the evidence is that surgery outcome is poor after covid. It is a fine balance between danger of operating post covid and progression of mitral valve disease, but likely to be six weeks after covid onset. Depending on the baby's birth or a new surgeon. It was a better day today so I'm more hopeful of hanging on!

Suzette Schear  Sounds much better, very hopeful. there’s a plan in place and they are double checking to make sure you’re safe.  Makes sense.  Tiger is a character except when he wakes me up before work he keeps me from going nuts. 

Margaret Fielden  I have a date 29th October 2024 for my surgery. I'd already taken my blood thinners this morning but Mr De Silva's secretary said it could be worse as,  in an emergency, as I would have taken everything! Wow, it is a shock! Tiger, I need a cuddle!!!

Suzette Schear  He would have given you one this morning he had me up from 4-6am. He does this thing he jumps onto the high cabinet and jumps on my bed like a wrestler on the ropes. He went from Tiger boo to monster boo this morning. So glad you got your date, I know it's been daunting to say the least. We are both sending you hugs and good wishes and prayers. I'm grateful you finally got a date, sometimes the mental preparation makes it worse.

Margaret Fielden  A very cute monster! Many thanks for all your support Suzette. I hope to report back positively next week

Suzette Schear  My pleasure.  I can’t wait to see pictures of you in Greece.  My Tiger boo is going to the vet this morning, he always gets an infection in his right ear.  I have to prepare to sing to him.  It’s the only thing that calms him.  I have a bunch of songs for him real song with my made up words.  When I came home  from surgery I had a table set up with water meds, tissues remote, book, drawing pad and clock.  Everything I needed was for the most part was reachable no raising your arms.  I did not lift anything and I was able to get around. The worse for me was sleeping on my back and having to take a shower, the pain is what it is.   The hospital took good care of me I was nervous to go home but they really feel comfortable letting you leave.  I’ll continue to check website on up to and after surgery.  I was surrounded and supported but nobody really understood.  It was dectected and weeks later surgery. Watch the depression afterwards because it is common. 

Margaret Fielden  I hope Tiger's ear responds to treatment quickly.I bet he enjoys those trips with you singing sweetly to him. It says he's not your average cat! I've started the sterilising pre surgery showers, my hair looks like a haystack. I know Monday afternoon will be filling in pre- op tests as my actual pre- op was over a month ago. I'll see Mr De Silva and talk more about the level of risk from post covid complications versus worsening mitral valve synptoms. Maybe my condition. will be better understood as It has taken a long time to see the surgeon and family and friends have got more used to my situation. I'm concerned about depression as exhaustion makes me feel so low. I can bounce back quite well!
I Keep doing actions and saying to myself you won't do that after surgery! I listened to the Walker Sisters and got a warm fuzzy feeling thinking about Tiger and slept well last night. So I'm learning ways to cope, so thank you. Have a good peaceful Sunday

Suzette Schear  Tiger is really funny he cried partially on the way to the vet.  He gets there the vet takes him out, gives him a shot does a couple of things he’s complacent like I did it.  On the way home he was fine.  Antibiotics / drops and a pill .  He keeps me grounded.  For awhile I didn’t tell a lot of people and friends for it happened fast and I didn’t want for people to feel sorry for me.  I got one or two responses like oh my father had that done (yeah your father is 90)  or that happened to my grandfather.  I’m older and there are those younger but 59  working and achieving my goals this isn’t the time.  But when is it ever.  I didn’t want to spend time telling people it’s okay when doctors are telling me we are surprise you are functioning.  I get the hair just do the best you can people love you for you not your hair lol.  Somebody will always be willing to help if you allow it.  My mom taught me to be completely independent so it was hard to put the pride away but I learned. I kept the left over soap for when my body healed and was able to take a real shower.  I just thought it would help.  Glad you are surrounded by lots of love family and friends.  I learned a lot on who is really there.  My friend from when we were 5 years old wasn’t.  It was a shocker but I forgive her but chose not to be friends anymore I was sadden by that.  The depression is inevitable, my boyfriend was warned by his accountant whose mom went through it.  I think the thing is for me the rebooting of your body the shock of what I went through and how everyone else’s life continues .  It’s illogical so I went on lexapro and it helped .  I also kept asking why I didn’t feel better and when this is going to stop.  Also the lack of sleep added.  Just trying to give you a heads up sleep if you are sleeping not tell your doctor cause I didn’t sleep I felt 100% better after I slept a full night.  Sorry these texts are long but i get the impression it’s okay. 

Margaret Fielden  It's very good to hear your experiences and the feelings it brought up and how you worked with them. I realise now that the dreadful anger I felt at first was really grief at knowing my life was changing. My son and daughter are being more open about love for me which helps me a lot. My son is driving over tonight to take me to Cambridge tomorrow,  three hours away. Not far in the states! I take sleeping pills now so afterwards I will need them definitely.
I have to get energy for the pre-op shower now!
Glad Tiger is doing well, give him a hug from me!

Suzette Schear  I’m glad your kids are opening up.  I found this experience also brought a lot of good I had friends seriously go out of their way humbled me inside to the point of tears.  Do the best to stay in the moment. I kept thinking things like this is last time I see the ocean or the trees.  I had disassociated a bit so I didn’t get lost in the feelings.   That was my journey .  Be safe in your travels and what you do and it’s okay to be vulnerable.  Just be you.  Hope you have a wonderful time loving your kids.  Tiger said thanks he’s unhappy with me at the moment between making him swallow a pill and liquid antibiotics his hair is a bit haggard 

Margaret Fielden  Tiger looks offended! I'm at Papworth Hospital and all is set for tomorrow at 8.00. My surgeon says surgery will take 5 hours but I may be brought out of sedation tomorrow night. My kids have been very caring. My son set off facing a 4 hour journey home.
So I will be in contact when it's over. God bless you and thank you

Suzette Schear  I’m glad you there can’t wait to talk to you when you’re done in the other side and get your life back. .  I found a pill on the rug the little rebel.  Sending you love, prayers.  God is good he has your back.  

Margaret Fielden  Hi Ruth, Well covid has delayed my surgery. I got it two days before my surgery date and my surgeon says I must wait 4 to 6 weeks for safety. So covid is still around. That must have been a truly awful time to have your surgery. I am so pleased that your team were so good. I hope you are staying well. Thank you and best wishes 

Margaret Fielden  Hi Ruth, When you had emergency surgery how had your symptoms changed? I'm getting concerned that my breathing difficulties, fatigue and tight chest are progression of the mitral valve disease.

Margaret Fielden  Hi Suzanne, Thank you for thinking of me. I'm OK, 'living within my symptoms' as the surgeon told me. My pre-op is next Wednesday and the operation on October 5th. I think I am unable to believe it is really happening, like everyone facing this! How are your investigations going? I hope you are coping OK with it all.

Suzette Schear  October 5 , I’ll say some prayers, it’s good you have time to prepare and can live with symptoms for now. Glad it’s coming up so you can just get well and be the best of you.  I wished I lived closer I would have dropped off meals.  Been wearing a heart monitor on the second one should have better idea after end of the month.  I hope . My mother thought Suzette or Cassandra  I’m glad she picked Suzette.  Just wanted you to know you were thought if and cared about.  Please post updates so I know you’re okay. 

Margaret Fielden  Thank you Suzette, I really appreciate your care. I hope the monitor isn't proving too uncomfortable, it is a long time to have it in place. I will post news. Take care

Margaret Fielden  Hi Yalitza, I do hope you have a treatment plan now. You are very young for such serious problems, I am 77. I told my surgeon I was too old to bother but he said I would be fine! My surgery was meant to be 5th October here in the UK but I get covid and it has been postponed for safety reasons. I hope all is going well for you.

Margaret Fielden  Keep ticking and fighting Richard! I'm still waiting as I caught covid which has delayed surgery.  I feel less anxious now!

Margaret Fielden  Good to hear you coped with surgery at 79. I'm 77 so you give me hope! I'm praying for courage and peace over the surgery, which may be earlier than expected. Less time to worry. I'm usually a fighter but this has changed my life so much that it is getting to me. I can't  fly and I can't go back to my home in Greece, my friends and the sunshine! My husband will help me in recovery but is in his 80's and has some problems, one being wet macular degeneration, so I will try to get other help too to make it easier for him. I do hope your eye surgery is very successful.

Margaret Fielden  Hi Betsy, Hope you are making good progress. I am still waiting as I caught covid and my surgery has been delayed for safety reasons. It is amazing what can be done help but it is challenging!