Doug's Journal

Well It's been awhile since my last post. Christmas has come and gone and we're into the New Year. Makes me wonder what 2016 will bring. I go to the surgeon tomorrow (Jan. 5th) and am anticipating that he will be giving me a surgical date within the next two weeks. Excited and then again, not so much. My family and friends have been so supportive to me although I struggle with a sense of guilt for having them go through this. They are very quick to tell me not be silly but I see how it wears on them. I mentioned last time that I was asked a question from a friend that had quite an impact on me. I'm use to being the person that is in control and in charge of anything that comes my way but my friend asked me, "Are you scared?" My first reaction was to deny any such feelings and be strong for those around me but when the question was posed I felt like it was giving me permission to verbally say - yeah, I'm scared. Funny how many emotions a person goes through on this journey. Speaking of that, I am amazed that if I have a good day, I wonder if I've been making the other days up in my mind. Don't think I've ever gone through the range of emotions that I seem to be going through with this. All the things that I should have done before and put off - Advanced Care Plan, Power of Attorney and so on. Not morbid, not expecting anything bad just faced with the reality that it's the responsible thing to do. Well I am rambling, aren't I? Once I see the Doc tomorrow I will update as soon as I have word.

I should mention that as soon as we went in to round 2 of this adventure my wife bought Adam's book and we have both gone over it cover to cover and use it as a reference frequently. I wish Adam would have mentioned that it's not the best read when you're trying to go to sleep. In my ongoing journey I started getting some chest pains when I was trying to be active. That led to a coronary angiogram. The good news, all my arteries were found to be clear however the two doctors involved said that had not witnessed an aortic valve leaking as much as mine. The one doctor contacted my surgeon and arranged for him to attend the hospital to with the thought that the surgery may happen before Christmas. Got to tell you, when the talk of surgery has been floating out there, wherever that is, becomes a reality it got my attention in a big way. Turned out that the surgeon felt I could wait for my appointment on January 5th with a date being set for after that. Really felt like I was on a roller coaster at that time but once again have settled it in my mind that January 5th will be the big reveal. In my next post I would like to talk about the support I've received from family and friends, the questions that I've had and one very unique question asked of me that had a big impact.

Each year for the past 8.5 years I have been having tests to monitor both the regurgitation rate of my bicuspid aortic valve and the size of my ascending aortic aneurysm with very little to no change. Each year the test would come and I would anxious but the results would calm me down and I was off and running for another year. This year I had my echo cardiogram at the beginning of June. In October I went to see my GP to discuss new symptoms that I was experiencing - shortness of breath, light headedness. My GP is great and asked if I had gone over the results of my echo with the cardiologist (who I'm now seeing for Atrial Fibrillation). My response, no, no news is good news right? His response, it appears that you have gone from mild/moderate regurgitation to severe, you need to talk to your cardiologist. I called and was met with a promise of hearing back shortly. Turns out the next call I got was a quick appointment to have a Transesophageal Echocardiography. Turns out my echo results were correct and my aortic valve was leaking at a severe rate. My cardiologist, who is also a great guy and very calming, advised that he would set up an appointment with the surgeon as soon as possible. January 2016 - that may be as soon as possible but once again the anxiety returned along with the now presenting symptoms...

Approximately 8.5 years ago my wife said she wanted me to have a stress test. I was having no issues and no symptoms at all however if you knew/know my wife you'd understand that I made arrangements to have a stress test. I ended up going to an internist that I know and golf with. Very relaxed, no issues. I had the test and he says he can hear a bit of a heart murmurer that we should investigate further. I explained to him that there was nothing wrong with me and that this was just to keep my wife happy. Fast forward through all of that - they determined through a variety of tests that I have a bicuspid aortic valve and an ascending aortic aneurysm. Needless to say, quite a shock. My doctor told me this was good news because they normally find these type of aneurysm in an autopsy. I was then sent off to see a surgeon who, after reviewing all the tests determined that the best course of action was to monitor the aneurysm for growth. For about 18 months I felt like I was made of glass but eventually I just lived - of course it was in the back of my mind - but I lived life. Now 8.5 years later...