Doug's Posts

Well It's been awhile since my last post. Christmas has come and gone and we're into the New Year. Makes me wonder what 2016 will bring. I go to the surgeon tomorrow (Jan. 5th) and am anticipating that he will be giving me a surgical date within the next two weeks. Excited and then again, not so much. My family and friends have been so supportive to me although I struggle with a sense of guilt for having them go through this. They are very quick to tell me not be silly but I see how it wears on them. I mentioned last time that I was asked a question from a friend that had quite an impact on me. I'm use to being the person that is in control and in charge of anything that comes my way but my friend asked me, "Are you scared?" My first reaction was to deny any such feelings and be strong for those around me but when the question was posed I felt like it was giving me permission to verbally say - yeah, I'm scared. Funny how many emotions a person goes through on this journey. Speaking of that, I am amazed that if I have a good day, I wonder if I've been making the other days up in my mind. Don't think I've ever gone through the range of emotions that I seem to be going through with this. All the things that I should have done before and put off - Advanced Care Plan, Power of Attorney and so on. Not morbid, not expecting anything bad just faced with the reality that it's the responsible thing to do. Well I am rambling, aren't I? Once I see the Doc tomorrow I will update as soon as I have word.

I should mention that as soon as we went in to round 2 of this adventure my wife bought Adam's book and we have both gone over it cover to cover and use it as a reference frequently. I wish Adam would have mentioned that it's not the best read when you're trying to go to sleep. In my ongoing journey I started getting some chest pains when I was trying to be active. That led to a coronary angiogram. The good news, all my arteries were found to be clear however the two doctors involved said that had not witnessed an aortic valve leaking as much as mine. The one doctor contacted my surgeon and arranged for him to attend the hospital to with the thought that the surgery may happen before Christmas. Got to tell you, when the talk of surgery has been floating out there, wherever that is, becomes a reality it got my attention in a big way. Turned out that the surgeon felt I could wait for my appointment on January 5th with a date being set for after that. Really felt like I was on a roller coaster at that time but once again have settled it in my mind that January 5th will be the big reveal. In my next post I would like to talk about the support I've received from family and friends, the questions that I've had and one very unique question asked of me that had a big impact.