Paul's Journal

Anna Jones  Hi Paul, I have decided to see a mental health specialist. My appointment is this Wednesday. I have chosen someone who has worked with people who are facing surgery in a hospital environment.

I have several concerns: the first is the actual surgery. The second is possible depression after the surgery. I want to make sure that I am arming myself with as many coping skills as I can.

Paul Doria  That might be a solution to speak to professionals who have encountered this before. Lol the way I am just now you would need to prise me into the ward

Anna Jones  Paul, well... I keep threatening to run away where no one will ever find me. But, we are adults, and we know that this is not a proper response, and that all these people have gone before us and been brave enough to go through with it. So, we know that we can too. Try talking to a professional to get coping skills.

Sophia Ridley  I totally agree with Anne's approach and your thoughts.
The Royal Brompton has a specific Cardiac Psychology team, please check what your hospital has to offer (you might need to speak with cardiac rehab) and your GP can refer you. I went pre-op as wanted to be prepared in case I had cardiac depression post op. My husband joined me when I met her, which helped him too.
I also saw a hypnotherapist to calm some fears I had.
The hospital also did a pre-op seminar which was very good. I just had to have faith in my surgeon and the hospital. The more familiar I became the more routine the operation seemed.

The British Heart Foundation has a wonderful helpline too, I rang them last week.

If you message me directly I think that the system will send me an email. I am happy to speak with you directly as UK based but pls remember I'm not medically trained.

Paul Doria  Lol Anna I feel the same at times run away they'll never find me but then I realise that this isn't the answer and there's worse could happen if I don't face upto things. But doesn't make it easier. I have difficulty contemplating it all. Sophia I will do that thanks

Wanda Mroz  Paul, I also had fears... worry worry worry... I did that 24/7. I was terrified. I did not seek professional help, but perhaps I should have because I was truly scared. However, I spoke to one friend who had valve surgery and survived well, and I looked at this website a lot for information and peace even though I didn't join until after surgery. I prayed a LOT. I prepared and I made myself as busy as possible spending time with friends and family. I told myself I can do this and I will survive. I know how you feel totally, but the alternative is what? Not good. At some point, you will realize it is the thing to do and be at peace with it. I remember being in the prep area and it became pretty surreal. Now it is even more surreal... I also spoke to my surgeon twice before booking the surgery.. he was awesomely patient and took the time to answer my questions and put me at ease. His caring bedside manner did help a lot. Best of luck to you. I'd try the professional.

Jean Raber  I have a chronic blood cancer, and the outcome of conventional OHS dicey for me. So, yes, I understand the worry and fear. Mine is not so much dying on the table, but having complications post-op or a major stroke and becoming a terrible burden.

I think it's important to feel that your doctor has weighed the pros and cons of surgery, and has looked not only at longevity but quality of life.

Yes, maybe talking it through with a pro would be helpful!

Prayer helps remind me that God is merciful and helps with my fears of going to hell. But it doesn't help me deal with the worries in this life.

  The idea of this surgery is horrible for someone who doesn't like giving up control. I run everything; my job, my house, etc. I even told the surgeons how I wanted my surgery to be (haha, the just went along with me). The surgery wasn't that bad at all, in fact, all I remember is them putting on my oxygen afterwards. Also, there are very low mortality rates with this surgery, especially if you are younger. I agree with the others, find a qualified professional to process this out. Also, kudos for reaching out on this site. You are not alone. My anxiety levels were never as high as they were just prior to surgery. You will do great and more importantly, I think most everyone else who has had surgery here would say that you will look back and wonder why you were so worried! Best wishes to you!

Daryl McCallum  The fear was there for me but the thought of dying early wasn't something I wanted either. I had many conversations with my surgery team of doctors and I felt better after those discussions. When the day came I was shaved from head to toe and gave my wife a kiss and told her I would see her in recovery as I had such a positive attitude when I was transferred to the operating table I told everyone in there that there was to be NO mistakes and out I went. Next thing I knew I woke up in recovery with a healthy heart.

Liz Burroughs  I was very scared to have the surgery but I went through with it anyway. I tried not to think about it too much. After they wheeled me into the OR, I was awake for about a minute or two. The next thing I remember was waking up in the ICU.

Robert Frederick  Having gone through a robotic mitral valve repair, I think that this kid of operation is well within the grasp of the medical community. If you are in reasonable health going in you will wake up and get back on your feet.

That being said, operating on your heart is a very personal and significant event. And the though of not making it is a thought that we all have had to grapple with as we faced these surgeries.

You will come to a place where you are at peace with your decision.

Jean Raber  Well, me, too, Paul. :-)

Someone on here noted that 98 percent of people who have valve surgery survive. So the odds are you'll get off the table alive.

Having a chat with your cardiologist about what they'll do for you if you develop afib that doesn't go away or if you have to be on Coumadin forever or have some other lingering problem may help allay your worries.

Just me, but having realistic expectations will help me accept whatever the "new normal" is after surgery. My cardio said I would be "nearly 100 percent," but that was before the blood cancer was diagnosed, so I need a new update in March.

You take care.

Paul Doria  I will thanks.

But I'm totally in denial about the whole thing. My stress and anxiety levels are through the roof and I'm struggling to cope

Jean Raber  I understand. It's scary, and no getting around it. I'm a control freak (like what Laura mentioned), and the only person I really trust to do what has to be done is me. Sadly, medical science has not advanced to the point where I can do my own MVR.

So: I take a Klonopin or two at night so I can sleep. It doesn't affect my ability to function during the day. In fact, without it, I'd be operating on no sleep from worrying half the night. If you've tried everything else, you could ask your doc about an anti-anxiety med on a short-term basis. (This is not like an anti-depressant, which takes weeks to start working). Having something to take the edge off might help you collect your thoughts.

FWIW, I also find that knitting is extremely helpful in refocusing my mind.

Robert Frederick  Paul,
How are you feeling? Do you have somebody there with that you feel like you can talk with about your anxiety?

Anna Jones  Don't dread it. It is really a very easy procedure. You will not eat after midnight. You will be starving. You will go to the cath lab and they will put you in a bed. You will be shaved. You will wait on the bed. Then you will wait some more. You will notice you are getting really hungry. After a while you will be wheeled in to the cath lab and put onto a freezing cold table. The tech will be apologetic and will bring you a blanket to help keep you warm. You will be given a sedative. There will be a monitor in front of you. You will be told you can watch if you want to. Some people find it fascinating. I shut my eyes. The drugs will put you in a twilight world where you don't feel anything or remember anything. You will feel a little prick like getting an injection. Then you will be told that the contrast going into your veins will feel warm. The contrast will feel warm and it will be pleasant. Then what will seem like 2 minutes later -- but is actually about 20 minutes-- you will be put back on the bed and wheeled back to your spot in the outer room. A nurse will be pressing on the vein where the catheter was removed. You will be expected to lie still until a clot has formed and you are allowed to leave. This can take a couple of hours.

Sophia Ridley  I was very concerned about it too. Anna's described it spot on. Mine was in my groin, they used a pressure belt to help the clotting. It will bruise afterwards. Make sure you follow their advice and don't bend at your hip.
Do breath normally, I was so chilled out I didn't so ended up having a lung function test which involved a clipped ear which hurt far more!

Jeff V.  Make it a learning experience, Paul. You should be awake, semi-lucid and comfortable throughout. Ask questions during the procedure and make yourself as informed as possible. I found the procedure very interesting. The worst part was laying flat and still for 4 hours afterwards.

Nancy D  I tried to watch and remember but I have no memory after moving to the cold table and getting a warm blanket. ;-) Waking up with my husband at my side and the nurse holding pressure on the groin site is all I know about. Deep breaths, and know you are in good hands!!!

Anna Jones  Paul, while you are waiting for you turn, ask the tech to have it burned to disc for you. That way you will have a copy of it for doctors to see in the future.

Emily Rowley  Anna, I remember all too well how hungry/starving I was+freezing cold waiting for my OHS. Is it like a CT Scan/TOE?

Sophia Ridley  Paul - the NHS equipment at the Brompton was certainly able to burn a CD so hopefully they will where you were.
Surgeon didn't view my copy, he had a detailed report from angiogram so don't worry if they don't look at CD. My TOE (as it's in UK) was very informative too so think the combination of all this, echos and MRI provided them with a good view before they got in there...

Wanda Mroz  I was totally terrified of even this! But they wheel you in pretty quick. You are awake but groggy. They had a difficult time getting through my wrist because of scar tissue from a previous wrist surgery, but the surgeon persevered and got through. It is easier than the groin. I felt some pressure in the arm as the cath was inserted and a burning sensation as the die went in but it was doable and nothing bad at all. Easy really. I was pretty bruised up the arm after for a few days but other than that it wasn't worth the worry and stress I gave it.