About Me (In My Own Words)
I am actually the caregiver for John, not the patient, so the diagnosis is not mine. In a strange way, maybe others out there will feel the same way - when you love someone, you carry their burdens. In a strange way, this is also my diagnosis, yet fully realizing that I'm not the one who will be wheeled away next Wednesday morning into an OR. Even with all the support a person could have, some events in life are ones that require a huge amount of courage.
John is 54 years old (10 days older than me), and is a 3rd generation Zinfandel grape grower in Sonoma County. His family only speaks Italian at home, sometimes very loudly, but always with lots of love and passion. I love his family.
On December 15, 2015, John and I were on our first date. He told me that night, over a romantic Italian meal of course, that he was born with a bicuspid aortic valve and had an aneurysm. He looked so healthy and I dismissed it as something that we might not need to deal with for a decade or more.
Wrong!!
But I'm glad I was wrong. Because eventually, these things need to be faced. They don't magically go away. I am honored and privileged to be in John's life, blessed that I can walk this journey with him. The thought of him facing this on his own is devastating to me. Isn't it amazing that all these procedures have given so many thousands of people more time to love the life they have been given? Time is the best, most valuable gift there is.
Having said that, I have to admit I am SOOO unbelievably anxious. This is not like me. I have the utmost faith in the doctor we chose, and I know the surgery will be successful. Reading Adam's book helped answer so many questions I had, so that brought a lot of peace. The doubt is more in myself: Can I do this? Will I have the patience I need? Can I balance work and caregiving? Will family step up and help when we get home? Can I give John all that he needs from me? Will we argue that he is trying to do too much too soon? Will he be able to stop taking the pain meds when he needs to after celebrating 8 years of sobriety this summer?
To all of you, and to me, maybe we should all just give ourselves a break. If we just have the courage to show up in this moment, fully human, be grateful for all that is good, and invite this opportunity to allow our own heart to grow greater and stronger in its capacity to love...then that's good enough, and it's something to be proud of.
More Info About Me & My Heart
More About Me
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I am from:
Healdsburg
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My surgery date is:
December 20, 2017
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I was diagnosed with:
Aortic Stenosis
Bicuspid Aortic Valve
Aortic Aneurysm
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My surgeon is:
Dr. Luis Castro
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My hospital is:
Sequoia Heart Institute, Redwood City, CA
