Kody's Journal

I was having a horrible week when I posted last. I have since joined this site and also the Facebook group and I can't begin to explain how much my mood has lifted. The strength I feel surrounded in, the community helps me to see that I am ready to recover. I don't know that I was ready to not be the sick one. Not because I want to feel sick, but because it has been so much of what I have known. I'm afraid of failing, and I've always had an excuse. This is hard for me to recognize, but it makes sense. I'm ready to let go of the sick role. I'm ready to see what my new bionic heart has to offer. So thank you. For every kind word, offer of advice, thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much.

Feeling sort of defeated. I'm 9 weeks post op, and have developed afib and a heart block leading to a pacemaker. I'm 28 years old and I am having a hard time adjusting to the thought of my heart running my life. I got the aortic valve replacement (with a surprise aortic aneurysm graft) in hopes that I could get my life back. I opted for a mechanical over bio valve so that I would not spend my life in surgery. Coumadin isn't so bad. But it's the worry that is bothersome. I'm always worried my heart will drop a beat. I can hear it at all times now and what comfort it brings for some, it brings me anxiety. The rythm is off. More meds. Side effects. I'm just disappointed.

Man. I really don't enjoy being a downer, but I've not had a great recovery. One day I am fine, and the next I'm unbelievably exhausted. Trying to keep up my exercise, but if I stretch it too far, the next day is impossible. I had an emergency pacemaker put in for a heart block caused by the surgery. I didn't know this would happen to me. This week I'm being monitored for atrial fibrillation post-op. I was also surprised to wake up after surgery to find out I had to have an aortic resection and graft due to an aneurysm. After years and years of feeling awful, I think my expectations were really high. It's hard to go from nobody believing you are sick, to air lifts and emergency surgeries. I'm feeling a bit defeated. Like, an overwhelming sense that something bad is going to happen and I'm constantly worried about my heart. I don't know. I'm taking it day by day and truly hoping for the best. It's a lot and nobody seems to understand sometimes.

Man. I really don't enjoy being a downer, but I've not had a great recovery. One day I am fine, and the next I'm unbelievably exhausted. Trying to keep up my exercise, but if I stretch it too far, the next day is impossible. I had an emergency pacemaker put in for a heart block caused by the surgery. I didn't know this would happen to me. This week I'm being monitored for atrial fibrillation post-op. I was also surprised to wake up after surgery to find out I had to have an aortic resection and graft due to an aneurysm. After years and years of feeling awful, I think my expectations were really high. It's hard to go from nobody believing you are sick, to air lifts and emergency surgeries. I'm feeling a bit defeated. Like, an overwhelming sense that something bad is going to happen and I'm constantly worried about my heart. I don't know. I'm taking it day by day and truly hoping for the best. It's a lot and nobody seems to understand sometimes.