Lauren's Journal

  Hi Lauren, congratulations on feeling great physically! I can't wait for that time!! I think you raise a really important point. I feel so fixated on my valve and heart issue that they identify me more than me before I knew my valve was a problem. Is that what you are talking about? How to get you get your shine back? I would be curious to hear from others as well. I am almost 7 weeks out and feel that I am consumed by my valve replacement. Going back to work has helped me a little. I also think working out has helped me (I wasn't really doing anything physical just prior to surgery so it is fun to get back into a gym). But, there is a piece of me that is still lost too.

Robert Frederick  Lauren:

You have shared a very personal feeling and I appreciate that you are comfortable sharing it with this community. I find that everyone is very supportive and there is someone out there who has experienced just about anything that people bring up to discuss.

I am 5 weeks post op and getting used to not working all the time. My new job is "working on relaxing a little bit :)."

I will describe to you how I am processing my surgery and hope that there might be some encouragement for you in my thoughts.

Before surgery, I prayed and I felt like the Lord brought this verse to my mind:

Eph 2:10 "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

I thought if I didn't make it, then I had done all that God had for me to do. But now that I have come through, I am looking forward to what else there is that he has prepared for me to do.

So I am asking God to show me how to continue on the course I have been on or if he has some new things prepared for me to do. I have not got there on new things yet, but there are plenty of old things waiting for me at work in February.

Daryl McCallum  Don't think I ever felt that but once I felt 100% I knew it was time to turn the page to get back to my new old self....

Elaine Cutri  HI Lauren, hang in there. I think it will present itself. I know how you feel. I'm not sure I like my old routine that has clicked back into place. It doesn't seem like it meets my adventure of last year.

Whitney Nelson  Hi Lauren! I haven't had surgery yet but I feel like I can already relate. When I get past all the feelings of fear about the surgery I feel excited about having a new lease on life! Trying to figure out what I'm going to do with this new lease, well I have no idea. But I can't imagine going through something like this and it not changing some things about you. I think with time you will figure it out. Life can only go up from here!!

Anna Jones  I haven't studied psychology and I don't work in that area. When I was first widowed, I read about Tranformational Grief. This is a theory advanced by Dr. John Schneider which says that grief (a strong emotion) proceeds in 3 stages. The first stage looks at what was lost. The second stage looks at what remains. The final stage looks at what is possible. In the first stage the loss is all we can think about and it colors all of our experiences. It is as though the grief is in front of us and we are unable to see around it. In the second stage the grief is more internalized and in the final stage the grief is something that we once experienced and is behind us.

I believe that any strong emotion can cause a tranformational experience. Trauma is a strong emotion and can certainly be set in play through heart surgery. Therefore, I believe there can be a transformational trauma where in the initial stage every experience is colored by the heart disease/surgery and we are unable to see around it.

I've spoken to a lot of different people who felt that the way through the transformational stages was to form an emotional balance by creating an opposite reaction. For instance, people who were grieving had lost someone or something important to them. Creation is the opposite of loss. So these people began projects (i.e. knitting, artwork, building, carpentry) to create things. They found that it gave them something to focus on and helped them to move forward. In the case of trauma, I am thinking that it is a loss of hope and wondering if working on projects that will create something (or even that will create hope) might help too.

Anyway, this is just a random thought.

Tim Goff  Lauren, Thanks for sharing your personal experience. There seems to be both a physical and mental component to recovery for many, myself included. For me the physical part was easier in that it was a goal oriented and trackable experience. How far did I walk, how far did i swim etc. The mental part, for me has been much harder. Am I making the most of my 2nd chance? Should I be less stressed about situations at home and work? Just trying to be a better person each and every day to both myself and others has helped to keep me upbeat and focused on happiness. There are times though when I get "lost" in what transpired and how best to move beyond it. You are not alone. Hang in there and stay positive.

Liz Burroughs  I thought that I would have a new lease on life but I'm not sure that I do. I got back to the same routines & the same struggles as before my surgery. The people that are close to me think that I should be fine by now but I don't think that I am. It's been 12 weeks since my surgery.

Lauren Burt  Thank you each and everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts and advice! You have all given me some things to process and think about! It is after all.. The beginning of the rest of my life and I get to choose how to make the most of it!

Wanda Mroz  I find myself happy to have my valve surgery behind me and as each day goes by I feel stronger. Except for some vision concerns that are lingering, I feel quite proud that I got through this. But I also feel like I should do more... More to perhaps promote knowledge about heart valve disease... Become involved somehow. I also feel as if it is time to start enjoying my life more... Time with friends and family because life is too short. I'm trying hard to be a better person and to not be such a perfectionist (because I am) because it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. To be more relaxed, enjoy and again get involved in some way. I think we all struggle in some way.

Adam Pick  Can relate to much of everyone is writing here. For me it ebbed and flowed throughout the recovery -- from physician and emotional perspectives. What really helped me get back some emotional stability was going to cardiac rehab and sharing stories with other patients at those sessions. In addition, I found that opening up and talking about my experiences with others and writing about it made a HUGE difference for me.

Lauren Burt  I agree Wanda. I have been trying to get more involved somehow. I have made a few attempts to get a "mended Hearts" chapter in my community up and running (which is a non-profit organization that is basically a patient to patient support program) but unfortunately haven't had a whole lot of luck getting responses from the hospital and cardiac rehab I have reached out to. I plan to continue my quest though!

Lauren Burt  Adam, first off I would like to thank you for creating this website! I have been looking for a way to connect and reach out to others that have gone through heart surgery or are getting ready to go through it to share experiences and offer encouragement as well as finding a support group and this website covers it all! Also, It's ironic that you suggested writing about it helped you because today I went out and bought a journal! Looking forward to starting to write!

Wanda Mroz  Don't stop trying to get involved Lauren ... Keep at it. I'm going to try just haven't figured out how. Adam is right about cardiac rehab... It does help tremendously. I wish I would have joined this site sooner... I think it would have helped my fears before surgery. This website is great because everyone here understands!

Sophia Ridley  Hi Lauren, my personal take on this is that heart surgery - the diagnosis, preparation, surgery and recovery - is all encompassing. I actively made it a project to be able to deal with it but also to give it an end. It takes a lot of our emotional time and I wonder as we embrace our normal lives there's an element of loss for the focus on our conditions which needs to be absorbed by something else. This maybe using our experiences to help others either through this site or in the community, to fund raise or prompts a connected career change. It maybe more subtle shift of spending more time with the family or improving health and exercise. Or doing something completely different.

The new lease of life... If you hadn't had the surgery you would have been in a much worse situation, think of all you've done since. That's the new lease. It might be the same routine but there's no 'dodgy valve' cloud hanging over you holding you back. We do though need to remember to be kind to ourselves as it will take time to recover fully.

Sheila Harrison  Wow I totally relate to feeling lost. I am 4 months post op AVR, MVR and a pacemaker I constantly feel incredibly lost. I have yet to feel I have a new lease on life. I spend so much time battling anxiety and depression I still feel as though that battle is taking away from my recovery. I still have nerve pain in my chest and shoulder. Nasty nerve pain robs me of sleep so I am exhausted all the time. I so appreciate all your advise and will incorporate it into making today great.

Lauren Burt  Thank you so much Sophia! You really put some things into perspective for me and gave me some additional things to think about and possibly change! Sometimes you get so caught up in your own head it's hard to clear the chaos and make sense of things!

Jennifer Lorenz  Such an important topic! Thank you for being so brave to speak about your experience. One mi Th out, I feel so well physically but it's my mental state that really fluctuates. I tried to discuss it with my cardiologist and his response was I'll feel better driving!?!? This is why this site is so meaningful to me. I find hope and inspiration from others that have been through the same thing. Just thinking what we've gone through....thinking our hearts were stopped and put on a machine....even though it is done all the time now, it is still a very scary thing. I hope heart surgeons/cardiologists/heart centers will also include help on the mental side of things in the future, especially with the link between mental state and health.

Liz Burroughs  Yes, I think that getting help on the mental side is very important. I know that the hospital that I go to for cardiac rehab offers free counseling services. At one time I had thought about joining a chapter of Mended Hearts. A man from Mended Hearts came to visit me in the hospital after my surgery. His visit really meant a lot to me.